Subscribe to the Newsletter

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

During last week's Bears game, one Fox broadcaster compared the Bears running game this year against last year's after five games. The commentator surmised the Bears will be fine since in both instances, the Bears showed little success running the ball! He was right to a point, though - the point where you ignore the strength of schedule through five games, the play at quarterback (remember when Sexy Rexy was Very Sexy?), and the quality of defensive play and what that meant for both field position and the actual score.

At the end of the day, the only one statistic matters: Your team scores more points than the other team. But if you're a Bears fan, you are frantically reading tea leaves and forever breaking the Bears down to miscroscopic levels. We'll help out.

*

Key Stat: The Bears are fourth-place in the NFC North.
Significance: There are only four teams in the NFC North.

*

Key Stat: The Bears are fourth in the NFC in the statistic "worst record".
Significance: The Bears are in ninth-place in the wild-card race.

*

Key Stat: The Bears rank 20th in points-scored at 19.7/game.
Significance: Imagine if Devin Hester was not ridiculous.

*

Key Stat: Hester leads the team with four TDs.
Significance: Hester's back might break from carrying the team.

*

Key Stat: The Bears' three starting linebackers lead the team in tackles. The next four on the list are defensive backs.
Significance: The defensive line is getting beat like a rented mule.

*

Key Stat: Rex Grossman has a quarterback rating of 45.2. Robbie Gould has a quarterback rating of 39.6.
Significance: Kyle Orton isn't the only option left.

*

Key Stat: Cedric Benson is averaging 3.1 yards-per-carry.
Significance: That's slightly above the following: the Number of children Mike Brady brought into his marriage with Carol; the number of games the Diamondbacks needed to sweep the Cubs out of the playoffs; and the number of years Hillary Clinton has been running for president.

-

Bears at Eagles
Storyline: Chicago native Donovan McNabb leads the Eagles, and native Chicago sports radio callers lead the call for the Bears to acquire McNabb. Before game time.

Reality: In the sporting world, players have "best friends." For instance, hockey goalies have "the post". Baseball pitchers have "the double play". Basketball players have "weed". Embattled QBs have "an effective running game". The Eagles should use both to defeat a Bears defense that's given up a bazillion yards on the ground recently.

Pick: Philadelphia minus 5, over 41 Points Scored.

-

Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 35%
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 20%

-

For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.

More from Beachwood Sports »
The White Sox Report

Coin Is The Lord Of The Realm

Don't pity the White Sox.

Continue reading "Coin Is The Lord Of The Realm" »

Posted on Jul 15, 2019

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!