Subscribe to the Newsletter

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

Last weekend I traveled to Madison, Wisconsin to experience the Green & Gold Kool-Aid. It's not quite the same as the Blue & Orange. Let's break it down:

*

Fashion Errors
Blue & Orange: The occasional black belt with brown shirt.
Green & Gold: Man with frosted tips. Different man with mullet.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Fashion errors less ostentatious. Plus, a real Bears fan doesn't look at another fan's belt.

*

High Fives
Blue & Orange: Not usually. We're too busy keeping our hands on our wallets
Green & Gold: Often. Mostly after executing a 3rd-and-short.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. It's good to have money in the wallet.

*

Shit Talk
Blue & Orange: Like voting; early and often.
Green & Gold: Like brushing teeth; no more than three times a day.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Lower self-esteem results in sharper insults to the opposition.

*

Good Wishes
Blue & Orange: Unless you wear at least two types of Bears gear, expect none.
Green & Gold: Lady wished me "Good luck to the Steelers" as she left.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Everybody knows there is no well-wishing in football.

*

In-Bar Public Announcements
Blue & Orange: None. Fans are smart enough to watch TVs to track team's (lack of) progress.
Green & Gold: Regular public announcements for each Packers' first down. Maybe this is about a drinking game nobody clued me into.
Advantage: Blue & Orange pending further information about possible drinking game.

*

Drink Giveaways
Blue & Orange: None. Watching the Bears is supposed to be your reward.
Green & Gold: After every Packer score. So you need extra incentive to watch your team score?
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Watching your team succeed is intrinsically rewarding. Oh, who am I kidding. Advantage, Green & Gold.

*

Loudness
Blue & Orange: Only during exciting plays. Which is to say, on Bears kick returns and blitzes.
Green & Gold: At a constant roar.
Advantage: Push. Who can blame them when they're 4-0?

*

Analysis: The Green & Gold Kool-Aid tastes great. The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid is less filling.

-

Chicago at Green Bay
"If you drive to Soldier Field, they make you pay a toll
For cripes sake, they only won one lousy Super Bowl"
- "The Bears Still Suck"

Pick: Green Bay Minus 3.5 Points, Over 40.5 Points Scored

-

Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 15%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 7.5%

-

For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.

More from Beachwood Sports »

Tech In, Garbage Out

The suffocating irony of this latest scandal is that the information was relayed to the hitter via banging on cans, which have been around for years.

Continue reading "Tech In, Garbage Out" »

Posted on Jan 14, 2020

SportsMondayTuesday: The Rules Were Clear

And the Astros are now facing the consequences.

Continue reading "SportsMondayTuesday: The Rules Were Clear" »

Posted on Jan 14, 2020