Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

Last week I picked Tampa Bay strictly hoping I'd get to say, "I told you so." This week I get to say, "I told you so." How do you like them apples?

Post-game sports radio provided some comic relief, most of which centered on the defense and the coaching staff. Akin to punching one's arm to help them forget about their headache, Bears fans shifted their ire from Grossman to the poor defensive play. Clearly, both the defense and coaching staff took the second half off last week.

Given that the Bears play the lowly Detroit Lions this week, chances are the Bears defense will need something to occupy their minds in the second half. Here are some ideas for ways the defense can keep their minds engaged:

Recount whereabouts from the last week. Commit to memory where you've been in the last seven days. Practice your answers for police interviews later.

Feats of memory. Wow other members of the unit by memorizing the value of Pi. Repeat often enough to annoy the line into rushing the quarterback.

Organize alleged lovers of Brian Urlacher in alphabetical order. Determine how low "Hilton" appears on the list. Then settle wagers.

Salary cap analysis. Estimate salary cap space of every other team in the league. Determine where Lance Briggs will be playing next year. Beg him to take you with him.

Pre-snap debate. Eliminate pre-snap secondary reads by free safety. Replace with pre-snap debates between safeties on whether to increase or reduce forces in Iraq. Work out Cover-2 troop deployment strategy.

Chicago at Detroit
Usually I spend at least 15 minutes analyzing the data for great insights. Then again, as Sigmund Freud once said, sometimes a crappy, talentless team is just a crappy, talentless team. That's the Lions.

Perhaps the Bears rest key players this week. Perhaps the coaching staff develops a vanilla game plan to save the good stuff for the playoffs. No matter. This week, the Bears win handily, once again leaving the Kool-Aid Nation with the false hope that this team is built to win an NFL championship.

Pick: Chicago minus 6/Over 44

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For Bears win:
Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 90%
Recommended sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 85%

Sugar in the Super Bowl pitcher: 85 %
Recommended sugar in the Super Bowl pitcher: 35 %

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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com.

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