Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

Vacations rule. This week, the Bears took a much deserved break from taking names and kicking ass. Did they take it easy? Of course not, we're from the city that works. The Bears spent their time doing the following during their bye week:

* Shipped Chicago 2016 Summer Olympic t-shirts to Guatemala.

* Created potholes to give the Streets and Sanitation crews something to do.

* Washed their jerseys clean of their opponent's tears.

* Visited a child with cancer. Scared cancer out of child.

* Changed El system to have two lines: Blue and Orange.

* Convinced Mayor Daley to change city's name from Chicago to Rio de Janeiro in order to trick the IOC into having Olympics here. Re-coded Google Maps to reflect the change.

* Met crew of Extreme Home Makeover at Soldier Field to make a new facade that actually matches the stands.

* Lovie Smith called Mike Ditka to say "There's a new fucking sheriff in town."

* Helped Milton Bradley to pack up his shit and leave.

* Prepared to beat somebody with a winning record.

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Record: 3-3

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Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 85%
Recommended sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 75%

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For more Emery, please see the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report archives and the Over/Under collection. He welcomes your comments.

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