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Lovie's Cover 2 Live Crew

It Bears Repeating
During his rendition of the national anthem, Jim Cornelison didn't just bring the thunder. He brought a 30-case of Thunder, pounded a two-liter of Cougar Boost Energy Drink and showed this chump how it's done by blasting America's collective tears of pride right off our face.

A Special Teams Special
For the second week in a row, two of the leagues best kick-return units face off. Thanks to Darren Sproles (with assists from rum and tourist nudity), folks in New Orleans are quickly forgetting about Reggie Bush's impact as a punt returner. Vegas is setting the over/under for Sproles/Hester comparison graphics at 7.5.

How 'Bout A Nice Hawaiian Punch?
Lookie here! Fred Miller's old pal Olin Kruetz will be snapping the ball on Sunday for the New Orleans Saints and Bears defensive lineman Henry Melton can't wait.

"I love pushing aging, undersized Pacific islanders into astroturf," Melton was quoted as saying during an imaginary press conference.

Marques, Your Brother
If you picked Week 2 in your "2 Live Crew" Kool-Aid Report Lyrical Reference office pool, congrats! I went into this week assuming that I could make light of Saints receiver Marques Colston's proclivity for injury, but his brittle collar bone beat me to the punch.

DA: 'No Allegation Against' Meriweather For Reported Rape
Boy, if you move that quote over one word it looks a lot more troubling.

The only things the Bears new free safety will be taking advantage of are the deep passes thrown by Drew Brees and the low, low prices at Bob Rohrman Schaumburg Ford!

That's right folks, the universal sporting event media-buy purchased by Bob Rohrman and Jeff Vukovich now includes The Beachwood Reporter.

Kool-Aid: 2 Out Of 5 Pitchers
Enjoy some burnt orange sugar water, but do so with a raised eyebrow and a skepticism chaser. If the Bears pass rush looks good two weeks in a row, I'll prescribe a third jug for the game against the Packers.


Comments welcome.

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Posted on Jan 14, 2019

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!