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The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: Key Matchups Only Found Here

1. Bears Playoff Rookies vs. Dumbness

Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill (anyone). They're not gonna do (anything). What can they do? (Friggin') amateurs. - Walter Sobchak

This concern is pointed squarely at the offense. Other than Olin Kreutz, "Robert" Garza, Brandon Manumaleuna and Chester Taylor, there aren't any offensive regulars who can boast meaningful playing time in multiple playoff runs to this point. There aren't any situations in life or football where inexperience is a good thing. Fortunately, the Seahawks are what we call a "Practice Girl."

2. Jay Cutler vs. Jay Cutler's Pride

The night of the (Seahawks game), you may feel a slight sting. That's pride (causing you to throw into triple coverage). (Screw) pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps. - Marsellus Wallace

The Seahawks secondary can be had, but if we've learned anything about Jay Cutler this season, it's that he wins with a conservative game plan, judicious use of deep passes and the exploitation of his mobility. But when you've got a cannon, everything looks like a place to fire your balls. Ignore the sting, Jay.

3. The Bears vs. Mike Martz

Gonna take a fortnight at least to get this herd down to St. Louis on Mississippi. This glen's gonna be tough to traverse, and that river's got to be 50, 60 meters wide. And God knows how many fathoms. To hell with parliamentary procedure! We've got to wrangle up some cattles. - Liam Neeson, Family Guy Episode 506

Every so often you'll witness the emergence of a Scott Brosius or Claude Lemieux, but for the most part the playoffs are all about putting the right talent in a position to maximize their best skills. Don't miscast Matt Forte as a primary option in pass protection in the second half. Use Chester Taylor in space; you paid him well to be a third-down back. Please don't do that crappy end-around play to Hester for three yards - send him on a "Go" route for once. Any chance Jason McKie got released by the Ravens? Tight ends aren't fullbacks any more than Irishmen are cowboys.

4. Lovie Smith vs. Challenge Flags

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. - Jerry Seinfeld

This one might be aimed a bit more at the support staff upstairs, but when you're the third winingest coach in Chicago Bears history, you get the blame along with the credit. The playoffs are a bad time to uncork new strategies, but given Lovie's approach to challenges in the past, the Costanza Instinctual Inversion Strategy should breathe life into an area of the Bears game that has traditionally been lacking. Just remember Lovie: When a questionable call comes up, think carefully about what you should do and then say to yourself, "I will do the opposite."


We know what the Bears are: An above average defensive team that mostly wins, but has the ability to lose to any team in the NFL on a given Sunday.

With that in mind, stay away from sharp knives, sturdy rafters and delicious antifreeze on Sunday, just in case the Bears remind you of that one last time.


Comments welcome.

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