Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

In past few weeks, more than one friend has said to me, "It must be fun writing the Kool-Aid Report this year."

Actually, it's not that much fun.

It's more fun when the Bears get dominated in a Super Bowl or they crap themselves in Week 17 and miss the playoffs. It doesn't feel rewarding to make fun of a team this close to hitting rock bottom.

And if the Bears lose to the Rams this week, rock bottom will be reached. Even I don't think the Bears are that bad. But even if they beat the Rams keep your eyes out for these other signs that rock bottom has been found.

* The Detroit Lions send the Bears a "Get Well Soon" card.

* Obama sends 30,000 troops to Soldier Field to help the Bears out.

* The Bears hire Elin Nordegren to pull a Jeff Gilloly on the opposing team's quarterback.

* Mayor Daley repurposes Meigs Field bulldozers to raze Soldier Field to make way for a casino.

* Chicago loses the Bears to Rio.

* Chicago Cubs ownership provides some unsolicited advice, stating "The secret is to be lovable when you lose."

* Halas Hall renamed "Willis Hall."

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Rams at Bears
Storyline: Sure, the Bears stink, but do they really stink bad enough to lose the Rams?

Reality: Yes, the Bears stink that bad.

Prediction: Chicago Minus 9 Points, Under 41 Points Scored

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Record: 9-5

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Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 10%
Recommended sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: <1%

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For more Emery, please see the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report archives and the Over/Under collection. He welcomes your comments.

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