Subscribe to the Newsletter

Stanley Cup Credo

By Eric Emery

Reasons why you should care even though the Blackhawks won't be in it.

* Barcelona beat Manchester United earlier this week, so you will not longer be distracted by other sports you don't care about.

* Each team has an American on the fourth line, so you can get your small dose of patriotism.

* Detroit throws an octopus on the ice before the game, which signifies the eight GM brands that will cut later this year.

* Series will be shorter than Carlos Zambrano's suspension.

* All Pittsburgh fans grow playoff beards. And I do mean all.

* Viewing mandated under Springfield reform legislation to distract you while pols show you a thing or two about reform.

* Viewing mandated under Obama stimulus plan to distract you from stimulating your curiosity about America's pending bankruptcy.

* Better than watching Jon & Kate Plus 8. Barely, but better.

* Detroit's Marian Hossa played for Pittsburgh last year. To replace Hossa, Pittsburgh acquired Happy Days' Marian Ross to take his place. Both are equally good in the playoffs.

* Pittsburgh captain Sidney Crosby touched the Eastern Conference Championship trophy. Like the Bradys, Crosby was seriously hurt surfing and a dangerous poisonous spider crawled into his jersey.

* Gambling stakes stoke excitement: If Pittsburgh wins, Detroit must take Pirates. If Detroit wins, Pittsburgh must take Detroit.

-

Eric Emery welcomes your crappy comments.


More from Beachwood Sports »

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #310: Baseball Is Back! (But Is It Really?)

The virus doesn't care how much you want to watch a game. Plus: Other Sports Are Also Back Pending Death; Pandemic Baseball Sucks; Hub Bubs; Hall Of Fame Hossa; The Mystery Of Mitch's Motivation; Choking On Chalk; and It Was Unmistakably A Noose.

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #310: Baseball Is Back! (But Is It Really?)" »

Posted on Jun 26, 2020

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #309: Life In The Fast Lane

Walls are falling. Plus: Rob Manfred Is A Cop; Wet Hot American Long Gone Summer; Bubble Life; Better At It Than Baseball; and Belmont Betting.

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #309: Life In The Fast Lane" »

Posted on Jun 19, 2020

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #308: We're All NASCAR Now

A moment when everything seems possible. Plus: MLB Draft's Dizzying Heights Of Hype; We Blame The (Lying) Owners; The Neverending Sammy Sosa Saga; and NBA & NHL Flux.

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #308: We're All NASCAR Now" »

Posted on Jun 12, 2020