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Over/Under

There is a battle between good and evil going on. When the Jets lost last week, for example, Chicagoans cheered. New York is evil, and we Chicagoans enjoy watching them suffer. On the other hand, both New York teams making the baseball playoffs was enough to make Chicago baseball fans question - again - the existence of of good (and God) itself. Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Satan. Rooting for Satan has its benefits, since you do start out with an edge and he's pretty good against the spread. Clearly, my Christian God still holds a seat at His table, since my record this week isn't much better than usual (2-4). Grace be to God. If there was a God, the Packers score from the 1-yard line late to hit the over.

Talking about the battle between good and evil, last week on football Sunday, CBS teased us with promises of Condi's humanity, and this week Bob Woodward's interview showed her in a different light.

According to Woodward, intelligence officials approached Condi in July 2001 with an urgent appeal that a terrorist attack was in the offing. Allegedly, Condi blew them off. Heck, who doesn't do that at work? Who wants to be bothered the pencil pusher Frank from Accounting. Frank comes to your desk with a sense of importance, harping on useless facts and all sorts of details. Have you met anybody from Accounting with fresh breath or basic diplomatic skills? Intelligence folks are like that too. Condi only did what any of us would do.

Therefore, I announce my plan to strengthen our nation's security. All intelligence lackeys receive breath mints and a barely socially acceptable joke to open briefings with. For this administration, I recommend something that starts out "The Great Leader of the Free World, an Arab, and a gay person walks into a bar . . . " and ends with ". . . and Karl Rove said to the Sodomite, 'You call that a weapon of mass destruction?'"

Did I sell my soul to Satan for this week's picks? Here are my over/under- hyped games of the week.

Over-Hyped: Dallas at Philadelphia, Sunday October 8, 3:15 PM
Last week, as both stories broke, CNN chose the TO "Did he try to commit suicide?" story over the school shooting in Colorado. In other words, this network followed somebody who unsuccessfully killed one person (himself) over somebody killing multiple people. And we scoff the Romans for the Coliseum.

Really, the worst game of the week is BUF/CHI, but since we live in Chicago, you cannot insult the Bears. It's like farting in church. I'm sure ESPN will spend their requisite 120 hours talking about TO and his return to Philly. So save yourself the trouble before you try mixing supplements with painkillers.

Pick: Philadelphia minus 2.5 points/Under 43 points.

Under Hyped Game: Pittsburgh at San Diego, Sunday, October 8, 7:15 PM
Madden will be doing this game. In preparation, I came across his previously released Trapper Keeper:

John loves Emmitt Smith
John Madden loves Brett Favre
John Madden loves Brett Favre 4-ever
John loves Brett and likes Hines Ward

John likes Rex?!?!?!

Madden may have jilted Ward for Grossman, but no matter. The Steelers play well after bye weeks and when they need to win. Remember that big game Marty Schottenheimer won? Exactly. Expect some hitting and an exciting finish. Perhaps John's love for Hines wills the Steelers to victory.

Pick: Pittsburgh plus 3 points/Over 36.5 points.

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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com.


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