Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
Search The Beachwood Reporter
Subscribe to the Newsletter
I attended a Peoria Rivermen hockey game this week. Clearly, the only people who attend hockey games in Peoria are season-ticket holders who all know each other. Two such people were seated near me: A lady to my right and a guy behind me. The lady to my right asked the guy behind me "What happened to your arm?" My first thought: "I slipped on some ice" or "I hurt it at work." The actual answer: "I was jumped by four guys in Pekin."
The funny thing, though, was how he left out all the details about what really happened.
I do wish I could be everywhere at once, so I could have heard all the other interesting conversations from last week's games. Here are my best guesses as to what those were - and what information was missing.
From Lambeau Field
Missed Quote: "Wow, it's cold out here!"
Missing Information: The only thing he was wearing was a brandy flask.
Missed Quote: "Holy crap, Eli Manning?"
Missing Information: This was said yesterday by still-stunned Packers fans.
Missed Quote: "Dear God. I know that I don't pray often, but if you could, please make the Giants kicker miss for the third time."
Missing Information: Bill Belichick is God, and He'd rather play the Giants.
Missed Quote: "Giants Head Coach Tom Coughlin is really tough. He is not wearing anything to protect his face from the elements."
Missing Information: Coughlin feeds off of his own anger to keep himself warm.
Missed Quote: "The Chargers have a chance to win this game. All they need to do is convert some of these field goals to touchdowns."
Missing Information: "And perhaps genetically engineer a virus that kills all the Patriots."
Missed Quote: "How cool would it be to be Tom Brady?"
Missing Information: "Yeah, you could sit in front of a mirror all day and say 'I'm Tom Fucking Brady'."
Missed Quote: "Let's all hold our heads high. Our Chargers had a great season."
Missing Information: "We won 10 more games than I thought a Norv Turner-coached team could win."
Missed Quote: "We're undefeated and going to the Super Bowl!"
Missing Information: "Yeah. Hey, how 'bout those Celtics?"
Last week: 1-3 (0-2 Against the Spread, 1-1 Over/Under)
Season: 52-65-1 (22-37-1 Against the Spread, 31-29 Over/Under)
*More from Beachwood Sports »
They set the table.Continue reading "Hail To The Placeholders" »
Posted on Sep 21, 2020