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Over/Under

Still getting over the severe beating you took in your office pool last week? Guess what, the pro sports bettors are too. A staggering nine of 14 underdogs won. You now need help explaining your gambling losses to your loved ones. As a public service, here are some ideas about how to cope when underdogs rule.

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What To Say: You didn't lose money this week betting; rather you had to sell your gold Rolex watch to the Goldman family.
Will It Work? Only if you make up the money stealing back your memorabilia to fund efforts to find your ex-wife's killer.

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What To Say: I'll make the money up like Ozzie - I'll stink at work to get a fat contract extension.
Will It Work? Only if your boss is Kenny Williams.

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What To Say: I'm sorry, honey, I didn't expect the president to be so cold-hearted that he would veto health insurance for our children. I had already cancelled our policies thinking we'd have more money to buy groceries.
Will It Work? Yes. Take a hard line on your kids' Socialist leanings.

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What To Say: The Cubs needed five more second basemen for the playoffs, so I pitched in a few bucks.
Will It Work? Only if your wife isn't a White Sox fan.

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What To Say: A friend of mine needed to borrow some money.
Will It Work? Only if your friend signs a book deal in a hurry.

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What To Say: Don't think of it as a loss, think of it as a non-deductible tax donation to my bookie.
Will It work? No, but a screaming spouse is more pleasant than a visit from Moose and Rocco.

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What To Say: I've always been a fan of Michael Vick, so I thought I'd help him cover the $16 million the Falcons are seeking from him.
Will It Work? Only if you don't have pets.

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OverHyped Game of the Week: Cowboys at Bills

The storyline: The Cowboys featuring Tony Romo and Terrell Owens meet Buffalo featuring . . . um . . . did we mention the Cowboys are 4-0?

Reality: The Old West motif wears thin early in the second quarter. The Cowboys roll.

Pick: Dallas Minus 10 Points, Over 45 Points Scored.

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UnderHyped Game of the Week: Chargers at Broncos

The storyline: Has one of the AFC favorites imploded?

Reality: Brothers Ron and Norv Turner coach on 1-3 football teams. Unfortunately, neither possesses a winning system, good looks, or a magnetic personality. Both need a win. Unlike his brother Ron, Norv has an advantage. LaDainian Tomlinson.

Pick: San Diego Plus 1.5 Points, Under 41.5 Points Scored.

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Results
Last week: 2-4 (1-2 Against the Spread, 1-2 Over/Under)
Season: 12-12 (5-7 Against the Spread, 7-5 Over/Under)

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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.


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