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O.J. Simpson may be back in the news, but we think his hijinks will be trumped by the adventures of a few current players this season.
Ray Lewis: Follows O.J.'s example with a book called Fuck Yeah, I Stabbed the Shit Out of That Guy.
Peyton Manning: Releases a "Best Of . . . " DVD of his best commercials.
Eli Manning: Releases a "Worst Of . . . " DVD of Peyton's worst commercials.
Brett Favre: Credits his longevity to eating cheese and ceasing to consume massive quantities of beer. Entire state suffers from massive bipolar disorder.
Lance Briggs: Refuses to take responsibility for leaving the designer butter out, leaving his designer dirty socks laying around, and leaving the designer toilet seat up. IRS then discovers he left a lot out of his designer tax form.
Chad Johnson: Getting bored jumping into the opposing team's stands, Johnson begins jumping into the opposing team's lineup and becomes a new kind of two-way player.
Donovan McNabb: When asked to finish Sally Field's bleeped acceptance speech at the Emmy's, McNabb quips "If my mom ran the world, there'd be free soup for everyone!"
Terrell Owens: In game against Bears. does interpretive TD dance called "Flight of the Sorrowful Sunbeam." Later found to have stolen it from Snoopy and Woodstock.
OverHyped Game of the Week: San Diego at Green Bay
Chargers head coach Norv Turner and Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner are like the Baldwin Brothers: The more you see of them the less talented they appear.
Pick: San Diego Minus 4 Points, Over 43.5 Points Scored
UnderHyped Game of the Week: Jacksonville at Denver
So a state senator in Nebraska has sued God The question is, which God? The one sending the typhoon to China or the one that has allowed Denver two straight last second wins? I'm not sure, but having taken the Pat Robertson Correspondence course called "A Conversation with God," I've come to learn that The Almighty does believe that Denver will cover at home, powered by their running game and run defense. And if God is wrong - again - I just may sue.
Pick: Denver Minus 3 Points, Over 35.5 Points Scored
Last week: 2-4 (1-2 Against the Spread, 1-2 Over/Under)
Season: 6-6 (3-3 Against the Spread, 3-3 Over/Under)
*More from Beachwood Sports »
Someone's about to earn this column's first moratorium.Continue reading "The Ex-Cub Factor" »
Posted on Apr 16, 2019