Subscribe to the Newsletter

Marlon Byrd vs. Robert Byrd

Compare and contrast.

Marlon: All-Star.
Robert: Dead star.

Robert: Was old as dirt.
Marlon: Gets uniform dirty.

Robert: Played in Washington as a senator.
Marlon: Played in Washington as a National, who were preceded by the Senators.

Marlon: Makes his living fielding baseballs.
Robert: Made his living busting balls.

Robert: Powerful member of a collection of people nobody respects much.
Marlon: Powerful member of a collection of people nobody respects much.

Marlon: 2010 a great season so far.
Robert: 2010 his worst season ever.

Robert: Joined the Ku Klux Klan to play with angry white guys.
Marlon: Joined the Cubs to play with an angry Venezuelan.

Robert: Stated that joining the Klan was "the greatest mistake I ever made."
Marlon: Give him time.

Robert: Was old enough to know Andrew Jackson's brother.
Marlon: Shares first name of a Jackson 5 brother.

Marlon: Once swung a bat against the hated New York Yankees.
Robert: Once fired a musket at hated Yankees in the Civil War.

Robert: Served time in Washington as a Senate Minority Leader.
Marlon: Served time in Washington, which is like the minors.

Robert: Never lost an election in his life.
Marlon: Plays for a team that never won a World Series during Robert Byrd's life.

Robert: Supported presidents that most people didn't like much.
Marlon: Works for club ownership that most people still don't like much.

Robert: Born Cornelius Calvin Sale, Jr.
Marlon: Bought on sale from the Texas Rangers.

Robert: Overshadowed by few.
Marlon: Overshadowed by a huge-ass Toyota sign.

Robert: "Asshole politician."
Marlon: Replaced asshole outfielder.

Marlon: Played for Texas.
Robert: Voted to make Texas a state.

Robert: Formerly segregational.
Marlon: Currently sensational.

Robert: Died of complications from heat stroke and dehydration.
Marlon: Plays in dehydrating Chicago heat despite complicated management full of strokes.

Robert: Once worked as a gas station attendant.
Marlon: Works for gasbags.

Robert: Ally of Lyndon Johnson.
Marlon: Probably has a big johnson.

Marlon: Wears Cubbie blue.
Robert: Turned blue.

Robert: Cast more votes than any U.S. senator in history.
Marlon: Plays for the most hapless team in Major League history.

Robert: Served on the United States Senate Armed Services Subcommittee on Emerging Threats and Capabilities.
Marlon: A bit beyond being an emerging, capable threat.

Robert: Filibustered the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Marlon: Knows a thing or two about busting Phillies.

Robert: Denounced dog fighting as a "brutal, sadistic event."
Marlon: Cubs games often brutal, sadistic events.

-

Comments welcome.

More from Beachwood Sports »

Driven: The Story Of The First African American Inducted Into The NASCAR Hall Of Fame

Wendell Scott was to NASCAR what Jackie Robinson was to baseball. The difference was that Robinson played in liberal Brooklyn and had the backing of Branch Rickey, and Scott raced in the segregated South and had . . . nobody."

Continue reading "Driven: The Story Of The First African American Inducted Into The NASCAR Hall Of Fame" »

Posted on Jun 20, 2017

The White Sox Report

Pelfrey's Proof

Motivating Mike - and Matt.

Continue reading "Pelfrey's Proof " »

Posted on Jun 19, 2017

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #157: The Cubs Are Officially In Trouble

And help may not be on the way. Plus: On Hahn; The Human Journey Of Scott Darling; Bears Look Good Against The Bears!; Dwyane Wade's Fake News; What Kevin Durant Has Done; The Pens & P.K.; and Schweinsteiger!

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #157: The Cubs Are Officially In Trouble" »

Posted on Jun 16, 2017

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!