Let's Play None

By George Ofman

I'm praying for rain.

Does anyone know whether Hurricane Jimena is the neighborhood?

Didn't Tom Skilling hint at snow?

It has been unseasonably chilly if you haven't noticed. Maybe a meteor shower hits the North Side devastating the playing surface at Wrigley Field.

Does this game really have to be played?

It's a make-up game but we need to make up some more excuses not to play.

I've got it. The city closes all highways for a special Thursday marathon featuring every alderman biking for votes. This way, the entire police force will be employed to root out would-be fraud. And several hospitals are forced to administer mouth-to-mouth while some alderman administer pocket-to-pocket.

Or the Cubs team bus is hijacked by Sam Zell, who drives it to Des Moines where he attempts to sell this sorry lot back to the Iowa Cubs.

Would anyone there notice the difference?

Does the game really have to be played?

Or maybe baseball commissioner Bud Selig calls it off citing the best interest of the game and lack of interest from fans on both sides of town.

The state buys Wrigley after all and shuts it down in the public interest?

Clearly, I've run out of excuses.

The game will be played much to the chagrin of everyone except those who plan to drink early and often. I might do that from my living room.

Talk about an exercise in futility.

Wasn't this game supposed to be played in late October as part of a seven-game series?

You know, the 101-year wait ends as the Cubs finally . . .

Please stop me before I get carried away, literally.

Right now, Carlos Torres is scheduled to pitch for the White Sox. The Cubs should counter with Kevin Gregg . . . or Larry Rothschild.

The baseball season here is over. The last month is a dress rehearsal for next year, though several players from both sides won't be dressed in the same uniforms.

High hopes were dashed as quickly as you can say Gatorade machine and Bartolo Colon.

The Cubs have become a $140 million debacle in need of a stimulus plan. The Sox are the so-called under-achievers who are achieving what most fans expected. Mediocrity does not have limitations.

Eight miles separate these two teams. The entire stretch of Western Avenue separates them from the post-season.

The Cubs were the pre-season favorite to win their division for a third straight year. But a series of events sent them into a baseball abyss. It's really not necessary to re-hash the last five months except to say Carlos Zambrano, Milton Bradley and Alfonso Soriano.

Just call it Cubdome and leave it at that.

The White Sox figured to be a third-place team, but not to Ken Williams. The general manager, who apparently wears rose-colored glasses, thought his team would be a contender, pass the Tigers and make the playoffs for a second consecutive season.

After acquiring Jake Peavy and Alex Rios, Williams said, "Yeah, we're out on a limb a little bit with the last two acquisitions. But our fans are starting to wrap their arms around this team. They can see this team being dangerous when we get to the playoffs and match up against anyone."

Peavy has yet to pitch and Rios is 2-for-his-last-31 and hitting only .200 since he arrived. My guess is some Sox fans would like to wrap their hands around Williams' neck.

Has the Guiding Light been cancelled? Is there a compelling rerun of Lost scheduled for around 1 p.m.?

Wait! The U.S. Open is on. That settles it for me.


George Ofman, an original member of The Score and a veteran of NPR, has covered more than 3,500 sporting events over the course of his career. Comments welcome.

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