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Dalton vs. Andy Dalton

Compare and contrast.

DALTON: The cooler, not the bouncer.

ANDY DALTON: Neither cool nor bouncy.

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DALTON: Pain don't hurt.

ANDY DALTON: Owww!

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DALTON: Studied philosophy.

ANDY DALTON: Should be more philosophical about the job he's about to lose to Justin Fields.

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DALTON: Lives on a farm.

ANDY DALTON: Plays for a shitty team.

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DALTON: Hooks up with Doc.

ANDY DALTON: Will spend a lot of time with team docs.

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DALTON: Works at the Double Deuce.

ANDY DALTON: Works for a real douche.

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DALTON: Killed a man in Memphis.

ANDY DALTON: Will get killed behind this offensive line.

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DALTON: Best friend is Wade Garrett.

ANDY DALTON: Not as good as Wade Wilson.

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DALTON: Dates Elizabeth Clay.

ANDY DALTON: Feet of clay.

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DALTON: Shops at Red's Auto Parts.

ANDY DALTON: Sucks in the red zone.

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DALTON: Killed a man in self-defense.

ANDY DALTON: Killed a WR by inability to read defense.

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DALTON: Made an enemy of Brad Wesley.

ANDY DALTON: Not as good as Brad Johnson.

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DALTON: Knows Tai Chi.

ANDY DALTON: Not long for Chi Town.

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DALTON: Take out the trash.

ANDY DALTON: Is the trash.

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DALTON: Has a high tolerance for the fragrance of nature.

ANDY DALTON: Stinks.

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DALTON: Is the best in his trade.

ANDY DALTON: Won't fetch much in a trade.

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DALTON: Friends with Jeff Healey.

ANDY DALTON: Plays like he's blind.

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Previously from the Vs. Affairs Desk:

* Sweet Home Alabama vs. Sweet Home Chicago

* The Kennedy Curse vs. The Cubs Curse

* Oprah vs. Obama

* Lincoln vs. Obama

* The Ryder Cup vs. NATO

* Chicago 2016 vs. Baghdad 2016

* Tank vs. Troutman

* James Brown vs. Gerald Ford

* Hester vs. Hastert

* Cubs vs. Hawks

* Quinn vs. Quade

* Alexi vs. Everyday People

* BP vs. Big Z

* McCain vs. McRib

* Subway vs. McDonald's

* IPRA vs. Oprah

* Marlon Byrd vs. Robert Byrd

* Lilo vs. Blago

* Rahm vs. Rob

* Chicago vs. Wisconsin.

* ICEE vs. ICE

* Bari Weiss vs. Barry White.

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Comments welcome.

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