Jack Nicklaus, Jay Cutler, Tony La Russa And Bob Baffert Walk Into A Bar . . .

What is it with old people?

And it's the classic: I can say that because I'm (pick one from categories religion/ethnicity/home state/CubsSoxBears fan).

I can say that because both the government and disappointing individuals I know have classified me as old, senior, geriatric, half dead.

Let's keep with the comedy rule of three. And a half, in the case of the lanky QB.

Jack Nicklaus/Jay Cutler.

Try to unsee that photo from the Reichstag.

You like or love what people do on the field or golf course - no, no, not Cutler - but this is a classic example of why we should never assume we know or might even like such people.

Whether Nicklaus, one of the top four golfers of all time with Jones, Snead and Hogan (I always liked Trevino because he was literally hungry once), said it or commissioned it, he proclaimed it when he endorsed the human incinerator in the White House for reelection.

It was flowery. "His love for America and its citizens, and putting his country first, has come through loud and clear. But if we want to continue to have the opportunity to pursue the American Dream, and not evolve into a socialist America and have the government run your life . . . "

Beachwood Nation is the smartest around, so I don't even need to comment on that steaming pile of crap. Although, if he believes it's true . . .

Then I learned the Golden Bear has designed golf courses for Doofus Drake. But if Jack designs a golf course for Mr. Hairnet (I've used up three but I can't type his name) and then makes a campaign contribution, isn't that a kickback?

He's one of my favorite golfers of all time. I've always said he was better, with better competition, than Tiger Woods. I learned how to putt from his TV tips. On a personal level, they're both in the same nightmare where neither one of them will ever reach the green on the easy par three.

But I broke my own rule. I don't know him. My Vegas uncle even warned me. He did time in Ohio, at the University of Cincinnati. He's always said Columbus, Jack's hometown, was not only weird, but an armpit. Luckily, he said, he was close to Kentucky, where the most rewarding vices thrived. Although jazz and blues are not vices.

And, I never liked the way Jack disrespected Arnold Palmer, who I also didn't know, for a lot of years.

Once again, Jim "Coach" Coffman talked me off the ledge. "The country club set, and Nicklaus has lived his life among them, celebrates the ludicrous gap between the wealthy and the working class every, single day. "

As for Cutler, it's funny, because I think we do know him. Whatever there is to know.

Tony La Russa
I've never been a fan of Mr. Greatest Manager of All Time (Just Ask Him), but it would be stupid to judge now what he might do as manager of the White Sox. He is a good manager.

Beachwood Sox guru Roger Wallenstein covered all the bases.

I think Rick Renteria built as much hustle and respect for the game into these Pale Hose as I saw this season. The Sox still have some things to learn, but this is an indicator that the Reinsdorf Vatican is now declaring this the big push to more than just an MLB Playoff Participation Trophy.

I've lost every argument I've ever had about baseball analytics, depending on the opponent's age group. I'll say this, the Tampa Bay $tud pitcher threw TEN innings in the World Series. When you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and pull a guy with a hangnail on his non-pitching hand, how do you even know what you have?

Skipper: "Can you get this guy out?"

Stretch: "Dunno. Never pitched to a guy twice in one game."

It will be interesting to see how La Russa embraces the Commodore 64 school of managing, or not. He'll also need a good bench staff.

But don't base everything on his age. Until or unless he deserves it.

Bob Baffert
I'm getting sick of this punk. But the fire ladder may never reach the top of his pedestal.

Chronologically. The California Horse Racing Board, with new members, has continued taking testimony on the drug positive for scopolamine in Justify in 2018's Santa Anita Handicap. Barn mate Hoppertunity also tested positive.

Baffert's excuse is that the bedding hay contained jimsyn weed, which contains scopolamine, and that it was inadvertent "environmental contamination" that caused the positive test.

Justify, who I will never acknowledge as a legitimate Triple Crown winner, needed and won that race to gain entry into the Kentucky Derby. You can hear the dominoes falling. Don't wait for his crown races to be vacated.

Yet again, Teflon Bob got caught and was charged this week with an unacceptable level of dextomethorphan metabolite dextorphan in American Pharoah filly Merneith after the Santa Anita Oaks.

Go-to-the-Well Baffert again threw his groom under the bus and said that the cough medicine the guy was taking entered the horse's system in another case of: environmental contamination. How does that happen? It's a half-ton horse! We've all seen a stoner blow a bongful of weed exhaust into a dog's nose, but this can't be that. Bob?!

He's still under scrutiny for high levels of betamethasone in Gamine after the Kentucky Oaks and lidocaine in Gamine and Charlatan after races at Oaklawn Park. In that one, assistant trainer Jimmy Barnes went to Detroit and back like O.J. Simpson under the bus in Naked Gun. That medication patch he was wearing, you know.

Now, next week, we're going to have to see Baffert's charming puss all over the Breeders' Cup coverage. Yes, they'll ask him the questions. But then they'll let go unchallenged his answers.

One more thing. If you read these Baffert links, notice how filled they are with excuses, in the report, not Baffert's comments.

If you blinked, you'd never see the story to begin with. And nobody in the racing sheets comments either.

Couple cliches. Learn something every day. Older and wiser.

At my advanced age, I'm not seeing it out there.


Tom Chambers is our man on the rail. He welcomes your comments.

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