Sports

Inside The Olympic Poll

By The Beachwood Zogby Affairs Desk

"Chicago officials released results of a new poll by Zogby International indicating that 84% of those surveyed support the Chicago bid, up from 76% a year ago. Just 6% of residents surveyed in the metropolitan area oppose, and another 6% 'strongly' oppose."

Working around the clock, Beachwood Labs has divined the poll's methodology and questions:

* If you were given the choice between sex with the mayor and supporting the Chicago Olympics, would you support the Olympics?

* Are you under the age of 13? If so, stay on the line. If not, you are not eligible for this poll.

* Would you support the Chicago Olympics if it meant no more cougars would be killed?

* Would you support the Chicago Olympics if we sent you a check for $2,016?

* Do you [beer] support [sex] the [beer] 2016 [sex] Chicago [beer] Olympics?

* Do you realize that if you don't support the Chicago Olympics, you will no longer get your garbage picked up starting tomorrow?

* Do you somewhat support, strongly support. superduper support, megamaxe support, mega meta support or ultra maximum support holding the Olympics in Chicago?

* Do you support the Chicago Olympics? If yes, stay on the line for our poll. If no, hang up and pretend this call never happened.

* Did you know that not supporting the Chicago Olympics is racist?

* If you say you support the Chicago Olympics, we'll let you hold the torch.

METHODOLOGY:
Zogby interviewed 500 people whose names were taken from Robert Sorich's favors list and Todd Stroger's public relations staff. Margin of error is 50 percent.

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