Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
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* Alfonso Soriano would be crumpled up and crying behind a vending machine in the bowels of Wrigley Field.
* Nate Robinson would be playing a very nice center field.
* That goat would be so worn out that the only thing left it could curse would be the urinals.
* Giving up unearned runs would be a concept with which he would be unfamiliar.
* Baseball's first man-to-man defense.
* We wouldn't need no stinkin' Jumbotron.
* Reed Johnson and Mark DeRosa would still be with the team, batting first and second.
* The league would store its Gold Gloves in Chicago just to make handing them out easier.
* The team would perform exceptionally well in cold weather.
* There would be no such thing as rebuilding because every season would be sacred.
* We wouldn't need a stinkin' bullpen because starters would be expected to complete games.
* Moises Alou would have caught the Bartman ball.
* That goat would have been allowed into Wrigley - and thoroughly enjoyed the game with his goat family.
* Bleacher tickets would still be $5.
* Mark Grace would have finished his career as a Cub and done his time as a multiple-DUI offender right here in Cook County.
* Darwin Barney would have learned to take a walk by now.
* Starlin Castro would be a Dodger.
* They would win more 1-0 and 2-1 games than any other team in the league.
* They'd be having a World Series ring ceremony this week.
* Carlos Marmol would be well into his second career as a gas station attendant.
* Mark Prior would be in his 13th injury-free year.
* The Bulls' season would be over by now.
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