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I have to admit that I wasn't exactly sure what to make of this season before it started. The Cubs were in a weird place.
Instead of the standard, misplaced wait-til-next-year optimism of most years, you kinda thought that a ton of things would have to go right for them to have a chance. I was hoping for a little luck and at least a shot at the wild card.
But more than anything, I wanted to like this team.
I wanted to like them and move forward with them. I wanted to take my lumps with these kids and be okay with a rebuilding year or two.
But from the top down, these guys are clowns. And here we are again, hoping for cataclysmic failure - failure of such immense proportions that Tom Ricketts has no choice but to clean house and start over.
At least know what to make of this team now.
The Week in Review: The Cubs put any insane notions of a salvageable season to rest with a 2-5 record for the week. 100 losses, here we come!
The Week in Preview: The Cubs come home for four against the now-in-first-place Brewers and then welcome the Yankees to Wrigley for three. Not exactly the Pirates and Nats. Quade may not last the month.
The Second Basemen Report: Darwin Barney got six of seve starts this week with Blake DeWitt getting the other lone start. Blake also played a lot in left field this week, which is good, if by good you mean good for losing games because when a guy can't even show enough offense to keep the starting second baseman job you might as well start him in left field where most teams hide a masher. You know, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Delino DeShields is the manager of the Dayton Dragons of the Class A Midwest League. He is missed, but was just over in Kane County playing the Cougars so he is not missed that much at the moment.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z seems to be Apologetic as he literally apologized this week, but this is just a cover for still Getting Angry. We're still awaiting the big Boom; so far just tremors.
Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report: Conte has been injecting Marlon with "You Are Not Missing Anything" this week and administering "Don't Be In Too Much Of A Hurry To Get Back" orally.
Lost in Translation: Sayio ity noto soio is Japanese for Fukudome really only has 6 RBIs all season?
Endorsement No-Brainer: Prince Fielder for sausages. A lot of sausages.
Sweet and Sour Quade: 87% sweet,13% sour. Mike stands pat again this week because he is a doormat. And when your job is to be stepped on, it feels good to you when it happens. And just like with your own seemingly well-adjusted uncle, you always wished Uncle Mike was your dad growing up because he seemed to be great. But your cousin Terry, Mike's son, can't make a sandwich or do his own laundry, and he's 32. There was some goofy shit going on in that family.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of "Clown Car" traded higher this week as speculation of new roster moves were in the air on the North Side.
Over/Under: The number of LaMahieu jerseys you will see around the ballpark this year: +/- 5. (He does have relatives.)
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that another season is officially in the toilet.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch 'em all!
The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.
Get Your Gangler On: Follow Marty on Twitter.
Note For Readers Used To Seeing The Mount Lou Alert System Here: When manager Mike Quade shows any signs of, well, really anything abnormal, we will be all over it with some kind of graph or pictorial depiction of whatever it is, but until this guy shows something besides just being a normal, thoughtful, intelligent guy, we got next to nothing on him. We are hoping he shows something and kinda hoping he doesn't also, know what I mean? BUT HE IS GETTING MUCH CLOSER . . . We think he's becoming delusionally optimistic.
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