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How To Make Clark Cub Cool

* Trade him for Bernie Brewer.

* Build a bear den in the rafters and he comes out after every home run to maul a deer. Or shotgun an Old Style.

* Redesign him as the opposite of everything he is now.

* Build a better backstory that includes a meth lab, a hooker and a goat.

* Ditch Regis and hire Brant Brown.

* Make him sentient.

* Steroids and a corked bat.

* Drop him from an airplane onto the pitcher's mound before every game without a parachute.

* Trade him for Brian Griffin.

* Assign him to knock off Jim Belushi.

* Send him to Des Moines for more seasoning.

* Make him a transvestite.

* Stuff him and display him above Joe Ricketts' fireplace.

* Assign him to stalk Hawk Harrelson.

* Wipe that smirk off his face.

* Heavy metal Clark.

* Party at the moon tower.

* It'd be cooler if he did.

* Have him wear a Julio Zuleta jersey.

* Have him do an Ask Me Anything on Reddit.

* Have him shoot t-shirts that say "I'm With Stupid" out of one of those t-shirt guns between innings.

* Hire Louis CK to play him.

- Steve Rhodes, Marty Gangler

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See also: Exclusive Interview With Clark Cub.

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Comments welcome.

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