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How Quade Can Seal The Deal

Did anyone notice that the Cubs went 6-0 for the week? Anyone? Anyone?

Maybe they should have made a managerial change when it still mattered. The Cubs are 17-7 with Mike Quade at the helm. And yet, Quade doesn't seem to stand a chance to get the job permanently, what with Joe Girardi, Ryne Sandberg and Eric Wedge in the mix. What does the guy have to do to prove he belongs?

* Win every game by slaughter rule.

* Play second base for these last few games at a Hall of Fame level to get the fans to think that you are a better manager because you know what it's like to be a Cub.

* Change last name to Quenneville.

* Change full name to Mark DeRosa.

* Wear silly glasses and manage from the bleachers with a beer in your hand to prove to the new owners that you are all about the Cubbie experience.

* Reveal who smashed Sammy Sosa's boombox.

* Manage the towel drill better than anyone ever.

* Put Alfonso Soriano back in the leadoff role.

* Start doing Toyota commercials.

* Win less.

* Go get the Yankees job first.

Week in Review: The Cubs swept both the Cards and the Marlins to cap off an 8-1 road trip, which is the best in most everyone's lifetime. This will be the answer to an Aflac trivia question one day.

Week in Preview: The Cubs come home to play three each against the Giants and, again, the Cards. Look out for Tony LaRussa's White Sox managerial tryout come this weekend. He is going to manage his ass off.

The Second Basemen Report: Jeff Baker started two games and Blake DeWitt got the other four. If you haven't noticed (but you probably have) Blake DeWitt (.257 BA) is rather mediocre. If nothing else, though, the Cubs just might look for another second sacker next season, and that's at least good for The Second Basemen Report. You know, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.

In former second basemen news, there currently doesn't look like there is one guy on the roster that shouldn't be a former second baseman next season, and missed of course.

The Zam Bomb: Big Z pitching so good just proves how insane this guy really is. He remains crazy inside, but apologetic on the outside.

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Lost in Translation: Samardzija is Japanese for fifth starter.

Endorsement No-Brainer: Tyler Colvin for ash bats because the maple bats just don't agree with him.

Sweet and Sour Quade: 75% sweet, 25% sour. Mike Quade gains five points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to winning and knowing what he is doing. And just like your smart, well-adjusted uncle, Mike knows that you didn't get asked to the turnabout dance but he's not going to suggest you go with your sister because that is super lame. He rented the movie Joe Dirt and bought a few 2-liters of Mountain Dew. So even though your aren't going to the dance you can have a good time.

Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Forecasters predict shares of Wrigley Field tickets to trade for .50 on the dollar this week. Dump while you can!

Over/Under: The amount of people "pumped" about the Cubs/Cards tilt this weekend: +/- 5.5

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that 6-0 has to mean something.

Agony & Ivy: It's a way of life.

The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch 'em all!

The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.

The Mount Lou Alert System: The Wrigleyville area is still considered a disaster area despite the empty seats. We recommend, however, a more constructive plea for help than this.

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