Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
Search The Beachwood Reporter
Subscribe to the Newsletter
The local fanboy press corps went gaga when Joe Maddon arrived at spring training one morning in a hippie van, but that's nothing compared to what the Cubs skipper has planned for the regular season, the Beachwood has learned. On tap:
* On the home opener against the Reds, Maddon will parachute out of Air Trump One onto home plate to meet the umpires with his lineup card.
* Maddon will make his first trip to the mound at Wrigley to change pitchers on a hoverboard that explodes into flames.
* Maddon will arrive for the April series against the visiting Brewers through a tunnel dug from the Murphy's Bleachers, dressed as El Chapo.
* Maddon won't even show up when the Padres come to town in May, managing the game via Skype from Harry Caray's.
* To relieve stress before the season's first home series against the Cardinals, Maddon will pick up the whole team on the way to Wrigley along with as many strangers as it takes to set a Guinness world record for squeezing passengers into a crappy van.
* Maddon will arrive to the series opener here against the Phillies in May in an electric car powered by his own urine.
* Maddon will arrive to the series opener in Atlanta in June in a TransAm full of beer from Texarkana.
* To open a series against the Mets here in July, Maddon will commandeer an ice cream truck in Humboldt Park and play "It's A Small World (After All)" on a loop all the way to the park.
* Maddon will travel to the South Side and the North in a tricked-out Hoveround scooter for the Crosstown Classic.
* When the Rangers come to town in August, Maddon will arrive at the park on police horseback, except the horse will be a mime.
* In every visit to the mound against the Rangers later that month, Maddon will act out one of Kramer's entrances into Jerry's apartment.
* In September against the Giants, Maddon will zip line into Wrigley from the Northwest Tower in Wicker Park.
-More from Beachwood Sports »
Defense to get more aggressive, incur more penalties. Plus: The Cubs Did Not Respect 90 Last Year And No One Was Held Accountable; Budget Bullpen Breaks; New Rules, Fools!; Sister Jean Has Down Year; College Admissions' Side Doors; Duncan Keith, Biohacker; Alma Otter!; Puck Drop; and Schweinsteiger!Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #243: Bears Make Big Little Moves; Cubs Building A Mystery " »
Posted on Mar 15, 2019
Those ensnared in the current criminal case - which alleges that they paid for their children to get spots on the sports teams of big-name schools - couldn't have succeeded if the college admissions process wasn't already biased toward wealthier families.Continue reading "College Admission Scandal Grew Out Of A System Already Rigged With 'Side Doors'" »
Posted on Mar 15, 2019