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Exclusive! A Guide To The New Wrigley Bleachers

Another Beachwood Special Report

The new bleachers are finally here, and boy are they an upgrade.

* Benches now made of artisanal woodstuffs harvested from the rainforests of Brazil and certified organic by Whole Foods.

* Now serving a special Budweiser craft beer called Stick Ball, an IPA with hints of popcorn, mustard and entitlement.

* Left field sucks! Right field WILL SUCK in a month!

* Hire-A-Fan lets bleacher-goers pay someone to watch the game for them while they trade stock tips, network with daddy's board of directors and arrange after-game coke buys with their college dealers.

* Ronnie Woo Woo is out. Ronnie Woodfield III Woodfield III, Princeton '95, is in.

* Captain Morgan is out. Lt. Col. Morgan is in, and he knew your daddy at West Point.

* First 1,000 fans get kicked out before they actually do something to get kicked out.

* Bottle service. In da club section.

* Hot dogettes.

* 50% more white people!

* Still featuring people without jobs like the Bleacher Bums of yore, but instead of being unemployed they are merely trust funders.

* 50% more homophobia!

Contributing: Tom Chambers, Eric Emery, Nick Shreders and Steve Rhodes

Comments welcome.

The Ex-Cub Factor

By Steve Rhodes

Hello, Cleveland!

Continue reading "The Ex-Cub Factor" »

Posted on Mar 21, 2019

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #243: Bears Make Big Little Moves; Cubs Building A Mystery

By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes

Defense to get more aggressive, incur more penalties. Plus: The Cubs Did Not Respect 90 Last Year And No One Was Held Accountable; Budget Bullpen Breaks; New Rules, Fools!; Sister Jean Has Down Year; College Admissions' Side Doors; Duncan Keith, Biohacker; Alma Otter!; Puck Drop; and Schweinsteiger!

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #243: Bears Make Big Little Moves; Cubs Building A Mystery " »

Posted on Mar 15, 2019

College Admission Scandal Grew Out Of A System Already Rigged With 'Side Doors'

By Rick Eckstein/The Conversation

Those ensnared in the current criminal case - which alleges that they paid for their children to get spots on the sports teams of big-name schools - couldn't have succeeded if the college admissions process wasn't already biased toward wealthier families.

Continue reading "College Admission Scandal Grew Out Of A System Already Rigged With 'Side Doors'" »