Sports

Eddie Elia

By Tom Latourette

If Eddie Vedder had channeled Lee Elia for his new song.

*

[BLEEP] those [BLEEP]ing fans who come out here and say
Stuff it up those [BLEEP]ing people who show up every [BLEEP]ing day
I'll tell you one [BLEEP]ing thing, i hope we get [BLEEP]ing hotter than [BLEEP]
You can kiss my [BLEEP]ing ass right downtown and print it

If you want to rip somebody, rip my [BLEEP]ing ass
We got guys bustin' their [BLEEP]ing ass
They're really behind you, my [BLEEP]ing ass
They ought to go out and get a [BLEEP]ing job
Yeah, they ought to go out and get a [BLEEP]ing job

What the [BLEEP] am I supposed to do, let my [BLEEP]ing players get destroyed
For the [BLEEP]ing nickel-dime people who always turn up
That's why they're at the [BLEEP]ing game, mother[BLEEP]ers don't work
It'll take more than a 5-12 to destroy this club

There's some [BLEEP]ing pros out there, they want to win
But you're stuck in a [BLEEP]ing stigma [BLEEP]ng situation
[BLEEP]ing Dodgers, [BLEEP]ing Phillies and all that cheap [BLEEP]
A [BLEEP]ing playground for 15 percent
Yeah, a [BLEEP]ing playground for 15 percent
A [BLEEP]ing playground for 15 percent

Rip them mother[BLEEP]ers with them [BLEEP]suckers too
Rip them like the [BLEEP]ing players, and them [BLEEP]ing people boo
If they're real Chicago [BLEEP]ing fans, they can kiss my [BLEEP]ing ass
Don't see the progress, 143 [BLEEP]ing games left

Eight-five percent of the [BLEEP]ing world's working, other 15 come here
Gonna find out what it's like, gonna [BLEEP]ing win it this year
This organization's been winners they're whole [BLEEP]ing life
That don't show 'cause we're 5-14
Yeah, that don't show 'cause we're 5-14
I wish I hadn't talked to Les Grobstein

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Also from the Beachwood Sports Parody Desk:
* Please Stop Believin'
* 99 Years of Cub Losses
* Blame It On Bartman
* We Can't Wait 100 Years
* Dusty Must Get Fired
* Let's Call The Crosstown Off!
* Louuuuu!
* Ode to Ozzie
* The 12 Days of Cubness
* The Hester Man Can!