Subscribe to the Newsletter

Carl's Cubs Mailbag: What The Kurgan Said

Who is the most disappointing Cub so far? I mean, there are so many to choose from.
- Dan M, Des Moines IA

That's a hard question to answer, but thanks to this exclusive video from inside the Cubs clubhouse of his recent visit, we now know how Kurgan would answer that question.

What metaphorical crime would you compare the 2011 season to?
-Clancy W, Springfield IL

There's nothing metaphorical about the holes I've punched in my drywall to this point or my various stud-related knuckle injuries.

The 2011 season is an acquaintance breaking into your home with the intention of robbing you and failing, but successfully suing you after suffering an injury slipping on one of your kid's roller skates.

Is Darwin Barney an All-Star?
-Rich E, Evanston IL

Like the Grammys, baseball has its own set of obscure, untelevised award categories. Case in point, there's a Grammy for Best Album Notes, despite the physical medium of music being dead to all but hoarders and vinyl enthusiasts.

Barney is in line for an All-Star award, but likely not a spot on the All-Star team. He's the leading voting getter in the "Best Cub You Never Heard Of A Year Ago" category, with Tony Campana currently in second.

Jeff Samardzija is also a likely winner for the "Best Bad Teenage Mustache: NL Central" award.

I'm kinda wishing we had Sam Fuld and Chris Archer on our roster right about now. What do you think?
-Jim H, Chicago IL

Sure, the Cubs missed out on $175,000 in merchandising revenue when they traded the rights to "Cape Night" to Tampa Bay in the Matt Garza deal.

But who needs a great outfielder and a top pitching prospect when you can have a guy who may have up to two of his five pitches working at any one time, sports a 4.00 ERA, costs $6 million a year and isn't named Tom Gorzelanny?

-Sam K, Peoria IL

After the Astros completed a three-game sweep of the Cubs we received a lot of, shall we say input, from the fan base. Out of the numerous angry e-mails, letters and messages written in feces on the wall of the Beachwood Industries employee bathroom, I felt the e-mail from Sam best summed up Cubdom's collective sentiment.


Send comments and/or questions to Carl!

More from Beachwood Sports »

A Blackhawks Proposal

A way for the team to honor Black Hawk's legacy by ensuring a better future for his cultural heirs.

Continue reading "A Blackhawks Proposal" »

Posted on Jul 11, 2020

Blackhawk's Life Mattered

Blackhawks management and their fans are laboring under a self-enhanced delusion. Just because you stole something a long time ago does not make it yours.

Continue reading "Blackhawk's Life Mattered" »

Posted on Jul 9, 2020