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Carl's Cubs Mailbag: Suicidal Tendencies

I don't understand how the Cubs can lose so many games with so many talented players. What's the deal?
-Randy, Addison IL

Just because you have something that's mostly made of good ingredients doesn't mean you have something good.

For instance, if you mix two tablespoons of feces into a gallon of Breyer's Vanilla, is it ice cream?

No.

It's frozen shit.

It seems like the Cubs get a lot of hits. Why don't they win more games?
-Richard, Bohners Lake WI

Did Casanova almost score?

Did Dorthy say "there's no place like second?"

Sabermetrics be damned. A car doesn't run without a clutch and neither does a baseball team. You gotta touch that plate, baby.

Is there a way to defend a suicide squeeze you know is going to happen ahead of time? I mean, it seems like a professional baseball team would have something in their bag of tricks to combat a play that was no longer a surprise. I'm just saying.
-Kerry, Chicago IL

Apparently not.

Is Aramis getting an All-Star snub?
-Fifi, Beebeetown IA

Sure, I guess. It's sort of like recommending a guy for a promotion after he gives a terrific exit interview.

What am I to make of the White Sox taking four of six against the Cubs this year?
-Thomas, Jefferson Park IL

That all 50 players (25 of them Juan Pierre) will be sitting at home in October jaws agape as they watch Pittsburgh and Cleveland in the World Series.

Okay, okay. We get it Cubs. We all complained about James Russell and Casey Coleman as 4th and 5th starters and in response you have marched a comical parade of almost absurdly old veterans onto the mound to fill out the back end of the rotation. Can we please just see Trey McNutt and his minor league superfriends now?
-Carl, Arlington Heights IL

So, you wouldn't be excited if I told you Chicago native Bret Saberhagen was starting against the Marlins after the break?

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Send your questions and comments to Carl!

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