Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
Search The Beachwood Reporter
Subscribe to the Newsletter
What in the world was Castro thinking when he got caught napping on national TV?
-Mac, Sac City IA
No one can be certain what Castro was daydreaming about, but my sources tell me it was Redd Foxx driving a rally car through a snow course.
Why is Quade benching Starlin when the team is finally hot?
- Billy, Bad Axe MI
I don't claim that the Cubs can have a better time losing with Castro in the lineup than without him, but why take chances?
What's next for Jim Hendry?
-John, Chicago IL
Hendry is a well-liked member of the GM fraternity so next on his agenda is participating in the 2011 Senior Baseball Executive Fantasy Football League. This is the first year the league will draft in an auction format, so expect Hendry to win aging future Hall of Famer Donovan McNabb in the first round by spending $145 of his $200 budget.
Will Randy Bush make any moves?
-Souja, Buffalo Grove IL
Mistaking him for former Cub pitcher "Stevie," Bush will work out a waiver deal with the Baltimore Orioles which nets the rights to Willie Eyre in exchange for Crane Kenney and six patio chairs from the Captain Morgan Club.
What's the worst mistake Jim Hendry made during his time as the Cubs GM?
-Matt, Toronto ON
Other than introducing the bizarre "pulled hamstring" incentive into Alfonso Soriano's contract, it was the time he entered the word "bisexual" into the search box on YouPorn.
The results were not at all what he expected* and the ensuing scramble to turn off the computer monitor resulted in Hendry's famed 2006 trip to the hospital during which he signed Ted Lilly from his bed.
Who starts at first if Pena gets sent to the Yankees?
-Billy, Baldwin IL
In order to maintain Carlos Pena's level of defensive skill at first, Jeff Baker and Tyler Colvin will play on the right side of the infield. Tony Campana will use his speed and a comically oversized mitt to play the newly created "centright" outfield position.
* Of course, a more savvy GM would have searched "hotel," or "office" and narrowed the search to videos of five minutes or longer, thus providing him with a much wider variety of material and enough time to get the job done without any useless exposition.
-More from Beachwood Sports »
The ultimate homer directs a lovefest as ridiculous and far from the truth as his broadcasts.Continue reading "Hawk Harrelson Goes Out As Awfully As He Broadcasted" »
Posted on Sep 17, 2018