Sports

Carl's Cubs Mailbag: Naming Names

By Carl Mohrbacher

When can we expect Fukudome to start batting .245? Spring is almost here.
- Jon, Zion IL

Don't rush him, he's still adjusting to being a platoon player. Rudy Jaramillo has him in the cage every other day.

Alfonso Soriano already has six home runs. What's gotten into him?
- Bill, Humboldt Park

Manny Ramirez's urine.

When will Starlin Castro be moved to third in the lineup?
-Justin, Mokena IL

Not until his first slump of the season, when batting him first would be an embarrassment.

Even though the Cubbies had a losing road trip last week, it seemed like they were one or two pitches or clutch hits away from going 6-3. How close are they to being a good team?
-Stacy, Appleton WI

One or two pitchers and a clutch hitter.

How did Darwin Barney get his name?
-DeLino, Rockford IL

His parents were pioneers in the sociobiology of children's TV.

Is Mike Quade really as nice as he seems?
- Annabelle, Bolingbrook IL

Only when Hendry keeps him medicated.

How many times will Carlos Pena strike out this season?
- Sam, Streeterville

As often as Steve Stone in the Viagra Triangle.

I forget: How did the Cubs acquire Jeff Baker?
- Jim, Lakeview

Through Central Casting; they asked for Anonymous Extra Second Baseman Number Two.

Aramis Ramirez looks slimmer this year. What happened?
- Sandy, Berwyn IL

A bout of contractitis.

How did the Cubs let Sam Fuld get away?
George, DeKalb IL

They needed to clear a roster spot for Jim Hendry's incompetence.

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Comments - and questions - welcome.

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