Subscribe to the Newsletter

Breakfast In America: Lowest Common Denominator™

I'm not mentioning my Breakfast In America Facebook page for a shameless plug (or am I?), but something interesting happened because of it. Last week I shared two articles:

* Article about Iceland's rise in international soccer - One view.

* Player in Sweden sent off for farting - 90 views.

And yet . . .

Iceland: A country with a population of 400,000 that survived the Euro 2016 group stage, whereas our country of 300 million would have difficulty achieving that.

Sweden: A country where "it's rude to leave food on your plate" sends off a player who didn't waste a fart.

I see how you are. Fine, I'll just go to the Lowest Common Denominator™*.

Here are some recommended changes to the English Premier League:

  • Refer to Manchester United not as ManU, but ManUre. (Okay, we already do that.)
  • Refer to Arsenal as Arse. (Ditto, yet their failure to win the league makes it appropriate.)
  • Refer to Everton as "The Next Aston Villa." (Which is like referring to an NFL team as "The next Cleveland Browns," but worse.)
  • Refer to Middleborough as Middlebutt.
  • Refer to Hull City as Full City. (Like manager Steve Bruce's belly.)
  • Refer to Southampton as "Liverpool AAA Affiliate." (They like selling players instead of pushing for a top four finish.)
  • Refer to Swansea as Swansuck.

* ™ Trademark owned by The Trump Organization

Sugar In The Cherry Kool-Aid: AFC Bournemouth is linked to many players, but outside of the great signing of Emerson Hyndman, they've been more successful selling marginalized players. The Cherry Nation has the officially licensed AFC Bournemouth Ladle™ for the official start of the transfer season starting July 1.

Population Of The Cherry Nation: Still three. Me, my high school friend who lives in Montana, and new Bournemouth signing American Emerson Hyndman.

Percent Sugar In The Cherry Kool-Aid: 30%


Previously in Breakfast In America:
* Which EPL Team Are You?

* Know Your Terminology.


Breakfast In America on Facebook.


Breakfast proprietor Eric Emery welcomes your comments.

More from Beachwood Sports »

Agony & Ivy

Reclaim the Cubs!

Continue reading "Agony & Ivy" »

Posted on Jun 15, 2022

TrackNotes: Back To The Future

Will Bob Baffert ever go away? Churchill Downs Inc.: It's just what they do. Dickie D. dead. Cliches can shape your biorhythms. Double-teaming justice. You look just like. We asked one person, me.

Continue reading "TrackNotes: Back To The Future" »

Posted on Jan 28, 2022

The White Sox Report

Minnie Miñoso Was Very, Very Good To Us

Electric, indefatigable and, finally, undenied.

Continue reading "Minnie Miñoso Was Very, Very Good To Us" »

Posted on Dec 9, 2021