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The 2011 Chicago Football Bears?
To me this season, they've been reliable, fun to watch, compelling and, importantly, consistent. It's been a great season for this "fan."
Facetious? Not really, not in the game I play. Which is taking sides based on points given or taken, for entertainment purposes only, of course. And how entertaining it is.
I always select against the Bears. Always. I don't like them, on personal and professional levels, as in they're not nice people at all and do not manage themselves in a professional manner. I can't stand even looking at Angelo or Mr. T(imeout) Smith or Urlacher or sourpuss Cutler, in descending order of the dominoes that must fall before this Original Franchise may deserve any kind of respect.
Seinfeldian, what's with those Bears fans? Why do they buy tickets? Are they more sophisticated in Cincinnati, which was named after a guy totally unfamiliar to the Daleys and Rahms of today and not an old Vidalia? Where fully 25 percent of the fans have stopped buying tickets?
It starts at the top and the bottom, the fans being on the latter side of the Bears' customer service best - or worst - practices model.
Traipsing down 2011's post-lockout we're-ready-because-we're-stable memory lane has been wonderful, in my world.
It started badly as the overrated Atlanta Falcons must have stopped off first at Macaroni Grill at O'Hare before a 30-12 Bears win.
Rebound. Bearssss can't keep up with Nawlins, don't you know? Or Green Bay. Can cheeseheads play with mice? And I can say that as I lived in the shadow of Lambeau for a lot of fun years, as a Bears fan behind enemy lines.
The confounding Carolina Panthers should have won, but they didn't. But they covered. Then a salty Lions team doing what they were doing at that time helped me out.
Stumbled the toe against the Vikings, whose desire is always a game-time decision. I fell for the idea that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers got to London a few days early and would be ready. Perhaps they should have stayed in England, as the bums they have turned out to be. When buccaneers were really efficient pirates, we fought a war over it.
Another loss versus the not-angry-enough Philly birds and laying off the Lions and a Chicago win over a lackey San Diego team and I was starting to wonder about these Bears. They're never the real thing, but in today's NFL . . .
The Vegas point-setters know a few, sometimes misguided, things: either the Bears' defense is great or Bears fans believe their defense is great, and Bears fans wager, big. The Bears defense is not great, but it's been affecting the line for years. I know better.
Then it got pretty, or ugly if you like the Bears.
A stupid loss against a stumblebum Raiders team and the Big Top hijinks versus KC, and I'm smilin' again.
I knew the Broncos game would be what it was: mediocrity on display, and close. Loss, as Chicago covered. But a proposition offering caught my eye. Yes or no: Will the Bears lead in the fourth quarter and still lose? Praise the Lord, Double-T! This is too easy. But the Lord's rep in Denver provides. And, Bob, now I'm hooked on Orange Crush mojitos.
The Seahawks seemed to have a bee in their bonnets at the time and, hindsight acknowledged, I saw it coming.
Had a nervous Christmas night. No way the Bears were going to win, but Green Bay went into that NFL invention: prevention. Which only causes losses.
I truly believed McCown (howzabout that "slam" dunk?) would get them into the end zone and ruin my apple pie a la mode. But me of little faith. Key penalties and ultimate third-down failure and Green Bay held. No-Guts Lovie gets three and angels we have heard on high. See those fans in Green Bay? Ownership gives and fans give - wait, they're the same! - and it's a happy marriage. Bliss.
See, one can get back what they commit if things work out well. And 50 percent as much more on top that on the fun side is quite enjoyable.
So while the football side demands flipping this Halas Hall pancake, the sin side screams status quo. Don't these people feel guilty whenever they enter the Payton Center?
The local Scribes Tribe fiercely helps out. The better guy wants out and the lesser guy is online with Travelocity for connections to Honolulu, I think, and then Canton. Do the Bull Dogs need help up the middle?
I think the Bears will beat Minnesota in No-Pressure-Cubbie fashion in basically a pick 'em game, but ask me at about 11:45 if I have the desire to support the Chipmunks of the Midway.
In my twisted Windy City world, I may have to.
Thomas Chambers is usually our man on the rail. But he's also our man in the sportsbook. He welcomes your comments.More from Beachwood Sports »