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The Cubs are advertising for a new public address announcer, but Beachwood Sports has learned that the team has already compiled a short list of candidates.
* David Axelrod: Because he knows all about false hope.
* Steve Stone: Would not only tell you who's up, but what he's gonna do.
* Alfonso Soriano: At least they would get something out of the remainder of his contract.
* Blago: Could do it from his jail cell via Skype.
* Dock Walls: Somebody has to finally give him a job.
* Rahm Emanuel: P.A. would have to be on a seven-second delay.
* @MayorEmanuel: P.A. would have to be on a seven-second delay.
* Charlie Sheen: At least there'd be one winner in the Cubs organization.
* Bill Kurtis and Walter Jacobson: They're gonna need a new gig soon anyway.
* Todd Ricketts: Family looking for soft landing after disastrous Undercover Boss appearance.
* Michael Buffer: Let's get ready to crumble!
* Sheila Simon: Being lieutenant governor leaves her with plenty of free time.
* Straight No Chaser: Would also handle "Take Me Out To The Ballgame."
* A Recording Of Whoever Did It Last Year: Because not much has changed.
* Bob Rohrman: After all, there's only one.
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