Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
Search The Beachwood Reporter
Subscribe to the Newsletter
The Cubs are advertising for a new public address announcer, but Beachwood Sports has learned that the team has already compiled a short list of candidates.
* David Axelrod: Because he knows all about false hope.
* Steve Stone: Would not only tell you who's up, but what he's gonna do.
* Alfonso Soriano: At least they would get something out of the remainder of his contract.
* Blago: Could do it from his jail cell via Skype.
* Dock Walls: Somebody has to finally give him a job.
* Rahm Emanuel: P.A. would have to be on a seven-second delay.
* @MayorEmanuel: P.A. would have to be on a seven-second delay.
* Charlie Sheen: At least there'd be one winner in the Cubs organization.
* Bill Kurtis and Walter Jacobson: They're gonna need a new gig soon anyway.
* Todd Ricketts: Family looking for soft landing after disastrous Undercover Boss appearance.
* Michael Buffer: Let's get ready to crumble!
* Sheila Simon: Being lieutenant governor leaves her with plenty of free time.
* Straight No Chaser: Would also handle "Take Me Out To The Ballgame."
* A Recording Of Whoever Did It Last Year: Because not much has changed.
* Bob Rohrman: After all, there's only one.
-More from Beachwood Sports »
The ultimate homer directs a lovefest as ridiculous and far from the truth as his broadcasts.Continue reading "Hawk Harrelson Goes Out As Awfully As He Broadcasted" »
Posted on Sep 17, 2018