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At Cubs Fantasy Camp

"This August, 40 diehard Cubs fans will enjoy the ultimate two-day experience at Wrigley Field as part of the 'Chicago Cubs Fantasy Camp at Wrigley Field,'" the team announced on Wednesday.

Among the activities and features:

* If you can't get along with fellow campers, Jim Hendry will trade away your one-day contract to another team, plus offer to cover $6,000 of your $7,500 fee.

* Although this is a fantasy camp, in an effort to make it feel somewhat realistic a simulated World Series parade downtown is NOT included.

* Meet other campers pretending to be major league players, including Aramis Ramirez.

* Even though it in no way resembles what it's like to be an actual Cub, campers will be allowed to run the bases.

* Take a turn at pretending to be a Cubs executive - look for one inch of stadium space or one game-day experience at Wrigley that hasn't yet been sold off to a sponsor and find a way to monetize it.

* Moises Alou will pee on your hands for an additional $12 before each game.

* Give your uneaten lunch scraps to Ronnie-woo-woo and he'll "Woo" your name for 10 minutes.

* For $300, fans can upgrade to the Wood/Prior package, in which their arms break under the weight of an entire fanbase.

* A clause in the one-day contract precludes fans from playing time if the event they are discovered to be either a qualified second baseman or a qualified rookie.

* Fans can opt to have another fan pitch to them in the real game, or have Hall of Famer Mark Prior pitch to them in a simulated game.

* Also included: tours of the historic Bud Light Bleachers, Under Armour Ivy, and Captain Morgan's Olde-Timey Base-ball Sporting Club.

* Carlos Zambrano will also be throwing batting practice the same day . . . for the Giants.

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Contributing: Beachwood Mark, Marty Gangler, Andrew Reilly

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Comments and submissions welcome.

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