Subscribe to the Newsletter

A Clown Car Wreck

At this point in the season, the Cubs are essentially like that proverbial car accident that you slow down to look at just to see if there is anything interesting going on and then you speed up quickly and go on your way.

We slowed down during the Nationals series, for example, to watch the benches empty because bench coach Jamie Quirk and catcher Steve Clevenger were being babies about Washington was still trying with a 7-2 lead in the fifth inning.

And how 'bout that play by Brett Jackson?

That was worth a slow down to a 15-mph double-take on your way to soccer practice.

And then the Cubs swept the Pirates.

So interesting things are still happening, but who cares? You gotta look at a lot of accident to get to the good stuff, and that takes more time than it's worth.

Just 22 games left in a season in which the Cubs somehow performed below the lowest expectations in franchise history. That, folks, is what we call a car wreck.

Week in Review: The Cubs went to Washington and got smacked around like the government thought they knew something, losing all four games there and running their losing streak to six. Then they went to Pittsburgh and administered their own three-game spanking to the Pirates. So at least we all know where everybody stands.

The Week in Preview: The Cubs travel to Houston for three against the eminently beatable Astros before coming home for to host the Pirates for four. Who'd a thunk there'd still be winnable games left on the schedule.

The Second Basemen Report: Is there a second baseman who can hit in the house? I think there's a better chance of someone becoming a better fielder over time than someone learning the strike zone and becoming a better hitter. I'd give up Darwin Barney's errorless streak for an on-base percentage over .300 any day. Just like the ghost of Jim Hendry would have wanted.

In former second basemen news, Matt Franco is still the nephew of actor Kurt Russell. He is missed.

The Not So Hot Corner: Josh Vitters is hitting .075 with an OBP of .125. That is all.

Weekly Bunting Report: I have to admit I didn't see much bunting this week, but Tony Campana had three hits for the week - no way at least one wasn't a bunt!

Endorsement No-Brainer: The Houston Astros for plecotomus fish: They are bottom feeders, and they suck.

Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: AAA.

Sink or Sveum: 30% Analytical, 70% Emotional: Dale gains five points on the Dale-O-Meter after he refreshingly and correctly throws Quirk and Clevenger under the bus. On a scale of Bat Sh#t Crazy, (Charles Manson), Not All There, (random guy with a neck tattoo), Thinking Clearly (Jordi LaForge), and Non-Emotional robot (Data), Dale is Thinking Clearly for one of the few times this season.

manson.jpgneck.jpg jordi.jpgdata.jpg

And just like your thought-to-be level-headed uncle, Dale knows you kids call him Uncle Weirdo behind his back and only use him to buy beer and give you a ride here and there, but when you get mud on his newly upholstered seats in his Mustang, you are going to get a stern talking to.

Over/Under: The number of car accidents on the Eisenhower more interesting than the Cubs this week: +/- 4.5.

Don't Hassle LaHoffpauir: Before Micah and Bryan, there was Jason. And now he's been hassled.

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Bears looked pretty good on offense for a change.

The Cub Factor: Unlike Alfonso Soriano, you can catch 'em all!

The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.

-

Contact The Cub Factor!

More from Beachwood Sports »

The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #144: Northwestern Still Sucks

Hard to root for from this precinct. Plus: Directionless Bulls Now Also Wadeless; Bears Sign More Guys; Joe Trump?; Blackhawks Still Blackhawks; Chicago Fire On Fire; and The White Sox Are Still Boring No Matter What Coffman Says.

Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #144: Northwestern Still Sucks" »

Posted on Mar 17, 2017

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!