Why Patti Got Fired

The Chicago Christian Industrial League fired Patti Blagojevich this week from her $100,000-a-year job there as a fundraiser. The CCIL wouldn't say why they fired Patti B., but the Beachwood Blago Bureau has learned that her supervisors and co-workers simply could not tolerate the following behavior:

* Kept making real coffee in the decaf container.

* Stole black running suit from the used clothing bin.

* Insisted she paid entry fee for office bowling team but league says they never received it.

* Tried to name homeless man named Chuck the director of the state highway department.

* Tried to get homeless clients to appear at husband's press conferences.

* Gave a lump of coal as her office Secret Santa gift.

* Tried to turn homeless man named Barry into her intern; made him pick up her dry cleaning.

* Organized soup kitchen according to precinct without permission.

* Tried to subcontract her work to campaign contributors.

* Totally couldn't do math.

* Vulgar language unacceptable in the workplace.

* Cancelled office subscription to the Tribune without telling anyone.

* Still owes money in the office football pool.

* Drew mustache and devil horns on the office Obama photo.

* Tried to sell real estate to homeless clients for no money down.

* Insisted on finder's fees for every homeless client she brought in.

* Kept accepting prison phone calls from a guy named Tony.

* Kept suggesting the industrial league appeal to high-end clients instead of the homeless.

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