Chicago - Mar. 19, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood Politics
Our monthly archive.
Who We Are
Chicago by the numbers.
Sausage Links
Wiki Daley
Wiki Rahm
Illinois Channel
Ralph Martire
Government Attic
Division Street
Indie Political Report
The Obameter
The Intercept
American Dream Betrayed

Why Chuck D Should Have Been Our First Black President

I like Barack Obama but I don't think we elected the right man to be our first black president.

It was clear to me from the get-go that the "hopey-changey" stuff was really just top-notch spin. Anyone who knows anything about Chicago politics knows that if you are going to be a change agent, there is no better place to start than right here (Hi, Emil).

Don't get me wrong; I was truly touched when the Obama family stood on the stage in Grant Park in November 2008 and I realized that they were America's first family. I was amazed that America had gone, since my freshman year in high school, from arguments about the merits of a black quarterback to a black president. I was proud to be American; I was thrilled that a Chicagoan was president. Obama's election was a touchstone moment in American history.

But as incredible as the Obama election is in context, there seems to be something missing. Obama, in my mind, has proven himself to be a man of transient convictions and flexible promises. He is a great speaker, and I do like his measured, tempered approach. But I am disappointed because it feels like he lacks the true power of one's convictions and that he's wasted the certainty of his electoral mandate.

I wish the man we elected in 2008 would have more confidence in his convictions, be less likely to compromise, and be less like a Republican president. We face an uncertain world, and I want a president who is resolute, hard-core: a grown damn man. Like, say, Carl Ridenhour, otherwise known as Chuck D.

Here, then, is why Chuck D should have been our first black president:

1. Some Quiver When I Deliver.

"Welcome to the Terrordome" is the greatest stump speech ever written in the history of forever and always. What Chuck D conveys in this song is everything a president should be: strong, responsible, fearless, dope and righteous. Obama can have all the pillars and stadiums he wants; give me Chuck D, the Aragon Brawlroom and 1,000 hyped mofo's and we will take over the universe.

2. A Letter From the Government.

He opened, read it and it said they were suckers. The man can feel my pain.

3. Funky Drummer.

In Chuck D's administration, not only would the drummer get some, the drummer would get wicked.

4. Ask Harry Allen.

Unlike our current president, Chuck D told us not to believe the hype.

5. It's the Flavor, Life Saver.

Almost every president has an embarrassing sibling: Nixon had Donald, Carter had Billy, Clinton had Roger, the Bushes had, well, there was a drunken, underachieving, dullard member of the Bush family for sure. So Chuck D's sidekick, Flavor Flav fits right in, what with the motorcycle accidents, crack addictions and reality shows.

6. Chuck D White House Press Release.

RE: Healthcare Debate. The D administration releases the following statement in response to heated debate on the health care bill on the floor of the House: We would like to remind Rep. John Boehner to sit down and shut the fuck up while grown folks is talking.

7. Bring the Noise.

Can you imagine the State of the Union address that Chuck D would deliver? Goddamn.

8. Change We Can Believe In.

911 would no longer be a joke in a D administration.

9. Bridge to the 21st Century.

Chuck D and Anthrax reached an unthinkable detente between rap and heavy metal with their collaboration on "Bring the Noise." If Chuck D can spearhead the merging of two divergent and hostile factions like hip-hop and thrash, imagine what he could do with the Middle East peace process.


Comments welcome.


Other Lists By Drew Adamek:
* Today's Syllabus
* Shit My Dad Says
* Work Weirdos
* Things I Miss About Chicago
* 20 Albums I Wish I Had Never Bought
* Their Chicago
* Cities I've Slept In
* My Favorite 1980s Chicago Radio Memories
* Why Milwaukee Rules
* Why I'm Glad I Don't Live In D.C. Anymore
* The Beer Goggle Recordings
* A List Of Reader Comments To Drew's Lists
* Life's Little Victories
* The Worst Jobs I've Ever Had
* Jobs For The Zombie Apocalypse
* Lemme Get A Bite Of That
* Lists I'll Never Write
* Things I Miss About My Imprisoned Best Friend
* Things I Miss About Being Single
* Things I Love About Being Married

* Fan Note: Me & Metallica


Posted on April 19, 2010

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!