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The Other Inaugural Balls

You may have heard about the myriad inauguration balls taking place in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday night, such as the A Time For Hope Inaugural Jazz Gala, the All American Ball, the Arizona Presidential Inaugural Ball, the Biden Home States Inaugural Ball, and the Servant Forge Humanitarian Ball. But there were plenty of balls that escaped media notice that we'd like to bring to your attention.

The Lower Wacker Homeless Ball: Attendees will dance furiously to keep from freezing.

The Huffington Post Ball: Revellers provide all decorations, refreshments, and entertainment in exchange for the chance to be seen at the ball.

The Illinois Governors' Ball: Held simultaneously in a Terre Haute, Indiana, cell block and a Ravenswood den. Whoever writes the best appeal gets a slim chance at freedom.

The Chicago Way Ball: They don't let in nobody nobody sent.

Katie Couric's CBS Ball: Only political figures recognized by Katie Couric will be let in. No soup for you, Mondale!

The Pepsi Ball: Decorated as an exact replica of the official Obama Ball.

The Chicago Children's Museum Ball: For revellers sensitive to sunlight.

The Reform Illinois Now Ball: Plenty of tickets still available.

The Dick Cheney Ball: The outgoing vice president will strip-search you personally.

The Cook County Ball Hosted By Todd Stroger: Rescheduled due to errors in the announced time and location.

The Pat Quinn Ball: There is no such thing.

The I Knew Him When Ball: Featuring war stories by Tony Rezko and Jeremiah Wright.

The Roland Burris Ball: Pre-ordained by God, approved by Lincoln, and featuring the unveiling of the biggest monument to a sitting U.S. senator in American history. Plus, a salad bar.

The Fall Out Boy Ball: Pete Wentz will iron his hair into the shape of an O.

The Daley Family Ball: Each guest will leave with a city contract and a threat.

The I'm Going Home And Taking My Ball: In honor of our outgoing president.


Marilyn Ferdinand, Don Jacobson, Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes


Posted on January 21, 2009

MUSIC - Pandemophenia.
TV - NBC's Bicentennial Special.
POLITICS - Defund Private Schools.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio & A Blackhawks Proposal.

BOOKS - The Slave Who Escaped George And Martha Washington.


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