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The Governor Goes Squeezy

"After months of promising a major grass-roots effort to win public support for reforming the state's government worker pension system, Gov. Pat Quinn on Sunday unveiled a plan that featured an incomplete online strategy, children wearing red plastic megaphones and an animated 'Squeezy the Pension Python' mascot," the Tribune reports.

"There were, however, no solutions offered on how to fix the nation's most underfunded retirement system."

First, let us behold what our cartoon governor hath wrought.


Um, are you fucking kidding me?


"The Democratic governor, known for a style that sometimes veers into the corny, attempted to jump-start the pension overhaul push by lauding the power of 'the people of Illinois, good and true' through what he called the 'electronic democracy' of Twitter and Facebook. Quinn went so far as to encourage families gathering at the Thanksgiving dinner table to 'speak to each other' about the pension crisis."

DAUGHTER: Daddy, will you please pass the cranberry sauce?

FATHER: What if I said there isn't any left, honey? That's what the state's pension crisis is like. I know you were promised cranberry sauce, but those promises weren't kept and now we have to punish you. Go sit in a corner.


"Quinn appeared at a Thompson Center news conference with about 15 children who wore red plastic megaphones with 'Thanks in advance' stickers."

Were they the children of state workers whose retirement benefits will be cut? Are they really thankful?



"[A]s he took questions from reporters, Quinn stopped short of his previous demand that any comprehensive pension plan should gradually shift the cost of pensions for teachers outside Chicago from the state onto local school districts - and local property taxpayers. Suburban Republicans and Democrats have adamantly opposed the cost shift."

That's not what Quinn told AP on Friday:

Q: Have you softened your position on the need for a cost shift (to schools)?

A: "No. I'm for that. That's a principle of accountability.

How squeezy!


Then again, Quinn also said this:

Q: Are you going to see the new Lincoln movie?

A: I've already seen it . . . It's an excellent movie. If you want to see how Democracy works, see that movie . . . You will appreciate the battle to get pension reform if you see the movie and see how hard it was to abolish slavery and get that amendment for the people. And they went to great lengths to use the Democratic process properly.

Who played the python?


"The new website, [link mine, ahem], remains a work in progress. It urges followers to 'think web cam' to post pictures or videos on a related Facebook page that Quinn promised will be 'shared with the legislators in Springfield.'"

You mean like this?

'Cause that's the only shot you've got.


Pat Quinn: Defining "Grassroots" Down.

Or up, as it were.





The Internet strikes back.

Fans of Squeezy Facebook page.


And from the inevitable Twitter feed.


See also: A Snake? Really?


Comments welcome.


Posted on November 19, 2012

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