Sixteen Flags Under Chicago

With each successive proposal, the folks behind moving the Chicago Children's Museum to Grant Park push it further underground in an effort to satisfy opponents who say the new building would violate court decrees designed to keep the park free and clear. We here at Beachwood Labs got to wondering where just such a museum would rank among underground children's attractions in the city, such as:

1. The Coal Mine at the Museum of Science & Industry.

2. The Streets and San public tour.

3. Al Capone's real vault.

4. The assets Michael Jordan hid from Juanita during their divorce.

5. The meeting place for the Daley Resistance Front.

6. Sammy Sosa's corked bat collection.

7. The secret lab where they grow Blago's hair.

8. Meigs Field.

9. Sam Zell's soul.

10. Daley's bunker.

11. The Oprah Resistance Meetup.

12. The city council's spine.

13. Where reform goes to die.

14. Mancow Muller's career.

15. The hopes and dreams of the working- and middle-class.

16. Ozzie Guillen's sanity.

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- Eric Emery, Marty Gangler, Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes