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Rahm's Objections

"The challenges have been filed for the upcoming city election, and this year there's a record number of them," WLS reports.

"The Chicago Elections Board received 426 objections to nominating petitions.

"Among the mayoral candidates, the biggest target appears to be former White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel. He had 31 challenges filed against him by Tuesday's deadline."

The Beachwood has learned the nature of those 31 challenges:

1. Signatures: Several names were duplicates with "F-ing" simply added as a middle name (i.e. Bill Smith, Bill F-ing Smith, etc.)

2. Signatures: Blago's signature shouldn't be allowed - not because of the conviction, but because he made a smiley face in the O in Rod.

3. Residency: The signed picture of Jordan in his office shows him in a Wizards jersey.

4. Signatures: In true Superfan fashion, he tried to argue that Ditka's signature should be worth 100 names.

5. Campaign Impropriety: Attempted to pay the guy who delivered his signatures to City Hall out of a TIF fund.

6. Signatures: Stroger signed in crayon - disallowed.

7. Campaign Impropriety: Hired Tony Peraica to tear down Meeks posters.

8. Residency: His offer to hold a "burger summit" with Carol Moseley Braun at Ed Debevic's proves he's not from around here.

9. Eligibility: Still owes $6.50 in overdue library book fines to the Harold Washington Library on a copy of How To Win Friends and Influence People.

10. Eligibility: Half a finger short of what the ordinance requires.

11. Residency: Never renewed his City of Chicago vehicle sticker.

12. Campaign Impropriety: Makes his kids wear Tomczak jerseys to school - Donald Tomczak jerseys.

13. Eligibility: Fared poorly in Chicago magazine's 2010 "40 Hottest Psychopaths In Power" roundup.

14. Campaign Impropriety: May have stuffed mailboxes with flyers reading "Vote for Rahm or I'll cut your face."

15. Campaign Impropriety: Always just kind of hanging out on CTA platforms, asking people for stuff.

16. Signatures: Hundreds of "Barack Obamas" appear to have been generated by the White House automatic signature signer.

17. Signatures: Campaign workers appear to have been paid out of secret line item in health care reform bill labeled "Local Health Incentives."

18. Residency: According to records from Domino's, Emanuel hasn't ordered a pizza to a Chicago address since he pranked Ed Burke in 1988 and sent him anchovies.

19. Signatures: 20 pages were simply filled with pictures of patio furniture with the word "Dibs" written on them.

20. Eligibility: City charter provides that vindictive short men cannot be Mayor of Chicago unless they are named Daley.

21. Residency: Evidence suggests he's living in Mike Madigan's pocket.

22. Residency: Outfit guys say they don't even know him anymore.

23. Technical Violation: Ballot petitions bound in barbed wire.

24. Residency: Appears to be living on the fifth floor of City Hall.

25. Residency: Keeps asking why the Congress Line doesn't stop at Kostner anymore.

26. Eligibility: City ordinance silent on zombies but definitely prohibits vampires from elected office.

27. Residency: Keeps showing up at the Billy Goat and asking when Royko will be there.

28. Campaign Impropriety: Already trading stamps for cash in promise to be "just like Rosty."

29. Residency: Keeps calling Bill Wirtz to solicit campaign contributions.

30. Technical Violation: Dozens of petition pages not filled with signatures but instead filled with names on Rahm's enemies list.

31. Technical Violation: Dozens of petition pages not filled with signatures but instead filled with names on Rahm's clout list.

- Andrew Reilly, Beachwood Mark, Drew Adamek, Scott Buckner, Matt Farmer, Tim Willette, Carl Mosbacher, Steve Rhodes


Comments welcome.


Posted on December 2, 2010

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