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Rahmedy Central

Lists started and aborted by the Rahmedy Central Affairs Desk.

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1. The Real Reasons Rahm Emanuel Is Running For Mayor.

* Still has authority to call drone missile attacks wherever he wants.

* Looks pretty good in tights and a cape.

* Sick and tired of coordinating Michelle Obama's wardrobe for state functions.

* Beating Barack at H-O-R-S-E on the White House basketball court every morning isn't as fun as it used to be.

* I'll just fucking kick every fucking one of those fucking Asian fucking carp back to fucking Asia all by my fucking self.

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2. Rahm's First 100 Days.

Day 1: Declares martial law.

Day 2: Reverses flow of Chicago River and also makes rain fall up.

Day 3: Suspends city council and replaces with the Pritzker clan.

Day 4: Orders drone strikes over Englewood.

Day 5: Threatens Berny Stone while the two are nude in the City Hall locker room.

Day 6: Hangs an honorary street sign in front of City Hall naming the block Donald Tomczak Way.

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3. Things Lying Around Rahm Emanuel's Campaign Office.

* Frommer s Chicago Travel Guide.

* Copy of Dreams From My Father, with Post-it note on cover: "Get Axelrod to have somebody write something like this for me."

* The Apartment Guide, open to section featuring month-to-month rentals.

* Unopened mail - marked postage due - from Roland Burris.

* Scrap of paper with the phone number of Robert Sorich s parole officer.

* Printout of Yelp ratings for Chicago neighborhoods, with an enthusiastic Lincoln Park review highlighted in yellow: "The cupcake shops around here are soooooo yummy LOL ."

* Lyric sheet for "Bear Down, Chicago Bears."

* Suitcase full of cash.

* List of wholesale fish markets on Randolph Street.

* Scrap of paper with the phone number for Oprah tickets.

* Metra system map, with UP North line to Wilmette highlighted.

* Chicago 2016 windbreaker.

* Ticket from the windshield of his campaign van for exceeding parking meter time limit in Pilsen.

* Designer's measurements and estimates for redecorating 5th floor office at 121 N. LaSalle.

* Copy of Boss by Mike Royko.

* Copy of Chicago s North Shore DVD, a WTTW pledge drive gift.

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Scott Buckner, Matt Farmer, Beachwood Mark and Steve Rhodes

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Comments welcome.



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Posted on October 6, 2010


MUSIC - At Home Chicago Blues.
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PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Suffering With Stoics & Cynics.


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