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Rahm vs. Rob

At least our mayor doesn't smoke crack, though sometimes it sure seems like he's on it.

Rahm: Noted fundraiser.
Rob: Noted funraiser.

Rahm: Closed 50 schools.
Rob: Smoked 50 bowls.

Rahm: Born with silver spoon in his mouth.
Rob: Born with silver spoon on his Bunsen burner.

Rahm: The fix is in.
Rob: Needs a fix.

Rahm: A dealmaker.
Rob: Has a dealer.

Rahm: Close ties to the pharmaceutical industry.
Rob: Close ties to the pharmaceutical industry.

Rahm:Self-identifies as a Koch brother.
Rob: Self-identifies as a coke brother.

Rahm: Lies about having enough cops to control the city's open-air drug markets.
Rob: Lies about having visited the city's open-air drug markets.

Rahm: Finds enough money to help DePaul shoot the rock.
Rob: Finds enough money to smoke the rock.

Rahm: Says he gets drugs off the street.
Rob: Really gets drugs off the street.

Rob: Smokes crack.
Rahm: Taxes smokes.

Rahm: Half a finger.
Rob: Half an ounce.

Rob: Denies what police have on video.
Rahm: Denies what press has on video.

Rahm: "I swim a mile on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and then I run two miles home. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I bike on the stationary for 25 minutes at a high level and then do 15 minutes elliptical and a weight routine. On Saturdays I bike 25 miles outside and on Sundays I take a private yoga class. And I take a multi-vitamin every day."
Rob: "Crack."

Rob: May seek treatment in city mental health center.
Rahm: Shuttered half the city's mental health centers.

Rob: Drunken stupor.
Rahm: Stupor.

Rob: Says reporters don't ask the right questions.
Rahm: Says reporters don't ask the right questions.

Rob: Needs drug treatment.
Rahm: Needs anger management treatment.

Rob: Approval ratings going up.
Rahm: Approval ratings going down.

Rahm: Baller.
Rob: Does eight-balls.

Rob: Smokes crack.
Rahm: Breaks your mama's back.

- Matt Farmer, Tim Willette, Eric Emery, Steve Rhodes

Comments welcome.



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Posted on November 6, 2013


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