Political Ad Creep

Negative political ads will be on the air every second of every day between now and Election Day. Citizens are absorbing their messages.

Overheard in traffic

Woman: You can get in the next lane.

Man: I'm staying the course.

Woman: But this lane is at a standstill.

Man: I will not cut and run.

Woman: But see that orange flashing light up there . . . this lane closes in 500 feet. We need to change course.

Man: What kind of a message would that send to the troops repaving this highway?

Woman: How about we will not run you over?

Overheard in a couple's master bathroom

Man: Honey, can you hand me the toothpaste?

Woman: Ray Miller is always looking for a handout.

Man: What? I just want to brush my teeth.

Woman: Ray Miller. Wrong for America. Wrong for my toothpaste.

Overheard in a child's bedroom

Son: Mom, can I play on my Gameboy?

Mom: Have you finished your math homework?

Son: My opponent, Mrs. Nosenfunk, thinks that the only way to solve a problem, is to study it forever. The American people want action, not constant study.

Mom: Try this action . . . do your homework.

Overheard in the family room

Daughter: Dad, can you flip it to MTV?

Dad: The baseball game is on.

Daughter: Aren't you tired of the same old empty promises? They don't have a plan for victory.

Dad: Um . . .

Daughter: This year when you hold the remote, hold it accountable. It's time for a change.

Dad: I'm not giving you the remote.

Overheard in an office

Worker: Boss, are you surfing the internet? I thought the Employee Manual said that . . .

Boss: I issued a signing statement.

Worker: A what?

Boss: A signing statement. That means I don't have to follow the rules, only you do.

Worker: But that's not fair.

Boss: War isn't fair. I'm the Commander-in-Chief, and as long as we're at war with ACME Corp., I have to have all the tools I need to win.

Worker: But you're reading The Onion.

Boss: Until further notice you will be detained in your cubicle.

I'm Rick Kaempfer and I approved this message.