Our Foot-Tapping Governor

If Rod Blagojevich had been the one caught tapping his foot in a men's room . . .

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1. "You've got this all wrong. I just reached down to grab my approval ratings, which had actually fallen through the floor . . . "

2. "I guess I was being too literal in my efforts to low-ball the state legislature."

3. "I have to use a wide stance when I'm on the toilet, officer, because I'm completely full of shit."

4. "Listen, officer. Things have been a little frosty at home since I shut down the wife's father's cousin's landfill . . . "

5. "What bathroom? I wasn't in a bathroom. I'm not even in this room talking to you right now."

6. "I was trolling for campaign contributions, not sex, you idiot! Ever think about serving on a state board?"

7. "I am not gay, and I want the legislature working in special session every day to prove it!"

8. "I only reached my hand around to see if you were wearing a wire."

9. "I was hoping you could spare a square because I accidentally cut toilet paper out of the budget."

10. "I was just tapping out Morse Code for 'Do you know a good accountant?'"

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