Meet Principal Stroger

"Cook County Board President Todd Stroger will serve as one of eight 'Principals for a Day' at Kenwood Academy in Chicago's Hyde Park/Kenwood community on October 30, beginning at 8:30 AM."

* A half-dozen teachers laid off and replaced by public relations specialists.

* VIP elevator installed.

* Renames nurse's office Stroger RN, LLC, then closes it.

* School lunch contract outsourced to childhood friend.

* A third of classes replaced by do-nothing work study jobs.

* Mimeograph machines replace laser printers.

* Trucks are hired.

* John Daley named dean of students; begins paddling teachers protesting cuts.

* Cousin named chief financial officer; begins bullying students for lunch money.

* Bill Beavers named gym coach; new school mascot is a hog with really big nuts.

* Stroger declares that the school's new chief rival is Tony Peraica.

* Students kicked off student newspaper; job is outsourced to Stroger pal.

* Kenwood Academy renamed "8th Ward Regular Democratic Organization."

* Stroger serves as Principal for Day, but declares Richard M. Daley Principal for Life.

* Forrest Claypool sent to detention.

* Last second illness prevents appearance, but his son takes his place.

- Marilyn Ferdinand, Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes