Chicago - May. 23, 2012

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Pelosi Buries the Hatchet

By Rick Kaempfer

"President Bush and Rep. Nancy Pelosi, the likely speaker of the House, yesterday buried the hatchet - gently - as the two sat down for an Oval Office lunch after a vitriolic campaign that put Democrats in control of Congress for the first time in 12 years."

- "Bush, Pelosi Look Ahead Over Lunch"

Bush: Thanks for coming.

Pelosi: Thanks for inviting me, Mr. President.

Bush: Would you like a corndog?

Pelosi: Yes, thanks.

Bush: Mustard?

Pelosi: No thank you.

Bush: I like to dip the corndog in the mustard.

Pelosi: I'm just not a big fan of mustard.

(long silence)

Bush: So . . . congratulations.

Pelosi: Thank you.

Bush: How's that corndog?

Pelosi: Delicious.

Bush: Betcha can't get corndogs like that in San Francisco.

Pelosi: Not really, no.

(long silence)

Pelosi: Um, Mr. President, may I raise an issue?

Bush: Sure. You can raise anything but my taxes! Heh-heh. Heh. Heh.

Pelosi: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Why don't we meet again after the election results sink in a little more . . .

Bush: Are you cutting and running from this lunch?

Pelosi: I wasn't planning on it . . .

Bush: Of course not. You don't have a plan.

Pelosi: Yes, I do. It's right here in my purse.

Bush: You're kidding.

Pelosi: (rifling through her purse) Ah, here it is. (holds it in the air) My plan.

Bush: Can I see it?

Pelosi: Nope.

Bush: Why not?

Pelosi: Because you're not being very nice.

Bush: Aw, hell, Nancy. I'm just funnin' with ya. Let me see the plan.

Pelosi: Not until you ask for it nicely.

Bush: Does it tell us how to get out of Iraq?

Pelosi: You'll never know.

Bush: C'mon, Nancy. Just give me the plan.

Pelosi: What's the magic word?

Bush: I'm not five years old.

Pelosi: Ask for it nicely. Say, "Madame Speaker, may I please see that piece of paper?"

Bush: You're not the Speaker yet.

Pelosi: Say it.

Bush: Fine, then. I don't want to see your stupid plan.

Pelosi: Fine, then. I'll just put it back in my purse.

(long silence)

Bush: I can't believe you're going to make me say it.

Pelosi: I can't believe you don't have a plan after being President for six years.

(long silence)

Bush: Fine. "Mrs. Speaker, may I please see that piece of paper."

Pelosi: Yes, you may. Here it is.

Bush: What the hell is this?

Pelosi: It's a subpoena. Next time lunch is at my place. Bring your lawyer.