Lincoln vs. Obama

Barack Obama will make his presidential campaign official on Saturday with a kickoff event at the Old State Capitol in Springfield, inviting yet more comparisons to Abraham Lincoln. We get the ball rolling.

Lincoln: Likeness on the five-dollar bill.
Obama: Likeness on the cover of a five-dollar magazine.

Lincoln: Stovepipe hat.
Obama: Stovepipe pants.

Lincoln: Born in a log cabin.
Obama: Once rolled a doobie as thick as a log.

Lincoln: Saddled with American Civil War.
Obama: Will be saddled with Iraqi Civil War.

Lincoln: Debated Stephen Douglas.
Obama: Will debate Stephen Colbert.

Lincoln: Jimmy Stewart is compared to Lincoln in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.
Obama: Obama is compared to Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Obama: There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.
Lincoln: Anything that argues me into his idea of perfect social and political equality with the Negro is but a specious and fantastic arrangement of words, by which a man can prove a horse chestnut to be a chestnut horse.

Obama: That is the true genius of America, a faith . . . that we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door.
Lincoln: [Y]ou are therefore hereby commanded forthwith to arrest and imprison in any fort or military prison in your command, the editors, proprietors and published of the aforesaid newspapers . . . You will also take possession by military force, of the printing establishments of the New York World and Journal of Commerce, and hold the same until further order, and prevent any further publication therefrom.

Lincoln: A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Obama: Dividing the lot of our new house cannot stand.

Lincoln: It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Obama: Yes, I inhaled. That was point, wasn't it?

Lincoln: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Obama: I endorse Todd Stroger.

Lincoln: Born in a log cabin.
Obama: Born in a log hut.

Lincoln: Lean, mean, freedom machine.
Obama: Bare-chested in People magazine.

Obama: Do we participate in a politics of cynicism, or do we participate in a politics of hope?
Lincoln: If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it.

Lincoln: Spoke at Gettysburg.
Obama: Will seek money from the Gettys.

Obama: Biracial.
Lincoln: Bisexual.

Obama: Did coke.
Lincoln: Did guy named Speed.

Lincoln: Plastic heads made at Museum of Science & Industry.
Obama: Plastic Lincoln heads voted in Obama's old legislative district.

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More Beachwood Obama coverage:

* JUST IN: Barack Speaks.

* Barack Obama (D-Daley).

* The Trouble With Obama.

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