If Joe Maddon Were Mayor . . .
* The head of the CTA one day would be the head of CPS the next . . .
* Zoo Day: Animals released into city streets to get residents to relax.
* We'd not only have an elected school board, Chris Coghlan would be on it.
* Aldermen required to wear onesies to city council meetings.
* Cops wouldn't carry guns, man.
* No more charter schools - or schools at all, man. Learn in the streets, it'll be cool!
* 162 new city holidays.
* Taxes become voluntary, but for some reason you'll want to pay.
* The foia gras ban is back: It's not nice to force-feed geese to grotesquerie just to create delicacies.
* Gathers gang leaders for summit; truce declared.
* Respect 90 mph.
* Rainbow light cameras - that don't issue tickets.
* A fifth star for the city flag representing the pitcher batting eighth.
* Marijuana legalized, obvi.
* Everybody gets a pension.
* City finally gets super awesome recycling program.
* Garbage fee? City picks up for free.
* No more rubber stamp city council. Do your job!
* Ed Burke designated for assignment.
* City hosts baseball draft instead of football draft.
* Jay Cutler forced to vaccinate his kids.
* Hawk Harrelson only allowed to broadcast road games.
Posted on October 6, 2015
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