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American Dream Betrayed

If Daley Managed The Cubs

After all, there's an opening and both the team and the city need fresh looks.

1. The home plate umpire will only be able to get the Cubs starting lineup if he submits a pre-game FOIA request.

2. He will have no idea any of his players are using steroids right in front of him.

3. Each of next season's 81 guest conductors for "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" will be named Vanecko.

4. The commissioner will order Daley to attend anger management therapy in July after Daley threatens to put a gun up the butt of Cubs announcer Bob Brenly.

5. Position of bench coach will be renamed buffer.

6. The team's scouting operations in Latin America will be overseen by HDO.

7. Roster will continue to be overbudget and underperforming.

8. Players must wear leftover Olympic sweatsuits on the plane.

9. "What the Cubs need is a wet manager."

10. Will quit the team in mid-August after he realizes there is
nothing for him to privatize.

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See also:
* If These People Managed The Cubs . . .

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Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on July 21, 2010


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