Hester vs. Hastert

Devin Hester vs. Dennis Hastert.

Hester - 50 yards in four seconds.
Hastert - 50 donuts in four seconds.

Hester - Comes from famously criminal program (Miami).
Hastert - Comes from famously criminal program (Congress).

Hester - Covers wide receivers.
Hastert - Would be a very wide receiver.

Hester - Isn't good enough on defense.
Hastert - Isn't good enough on defense.

Hester - Got rich playing a game.
Hastert - Got rich rigging the game.

Hester - Shifty.
Hastert - Shifty.

Hester - Can score every time he touches the ball.
Hastert - Covers for those who try to score every time they touch balls.

Hester - A minority.
Hastert - In the minority.

Hester - A Chicago Bear.
Hastert - A Chicago bear.

Hester - Runs back kicks.
Hastert - Gets kickbacks.

Hester - Takes it to the House.
Hastert - Took it from the House.

Hester - People pay to see him play.
Hastert - People must pay to play.

- Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes