Getting Roland To Go

Things the cool kids can do to get Roland Burris to resign from the Senate.

1. Nancy Pelosi can have a party and not invite him.

2. Pat Leahy can trip him in the lunchroom.

3. Dianne Feldstein can sit in the back row and make belching noises whenever he talks.

4. Chris Dodd can hang a sign on his back saying "Ima Dork".

5. Chuck Schumer can snap towels at him in the Senate locker room.

6. Frank Lautenberg can send him 30 pizzas.

7. Maria Cantwell can stand him up for the prom.

8. Bob Casey can give him a wedgie.

9. Russell Feingold can put a frog in his locker.

10. Mary Landrieu can blackball him from the really cool prom committees.

Failing that, they can hold meetings somewhere else and not tell him.

Additional suggests from the Beachwood Nation:

11. Someone could lock him in a locker before a big vote.

12. Or knock his "senate" books out of his hands.

13. Dick Durbin could not let him sit at his table at lunch by saying it was a "senior" table only.

14. Smoosh his Twinkies at lunchtime.

15. Steal his clothes out of his locker while he's in the shower.

16. Swirlies!!!

17. Someone pass a fake note to Nancy Pelosi from Roland that says, "Do you love me? Check yes or no."

18. Whoever's sitting next to him can keep raising their hand and whine, "Mrs. Pelosi! Roland's copying off meeeeeee!"

19. Light a pack of firecrackers while he's in the stall taking a dump.

20. Take apart a Bic pen and use it to shoot spitball gumwads into his hair.

21. Push him into the woman's rest room every chance they get.

22. Someone pass a fake note to Nancy Pelosi from Roland that says, "Do you love the stimulus bill? Check yes or no."

23. Tell him there's a better job awaiting for him as the President of Freedonia.

Contributing: Marty Gangler, Scott Buckner, Marilyn Ferdinand

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